


The To - Do List

by cosmictrap



Category: New Girl
Genre: Reunion, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmictrap/pseuds/cosmictrap
Summary: Jess decides to quit moping after Nick leaves for NOLA. No way would she let one guy bring her life to a halt. She decides to focus all her energy on being more productive, and decides that the best solution would be to ensure she was never idle. Her plan works beautifully... almost. Nick comes back... Without Reagan. And once he's back, of course he notices her strange behaviour and begins to do everything he can to spend time with her.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This plays on the same idea of the show as Jess having developed multiple hobbies to keep herself distracted. This is a more fleshed out version though and I felt the whole idea had been underplayed. This fic won't have Reagan in it and I will try to keep this light-hearted lol (and try not to fail miserably with the light-heartedness like I did with We Found Wonderland lol).
> 
> Leave me some reviews pleaseee. I live for that kind of validation.
> 
> [ This was first posted by me on FanFiction.Net under the same name! ]
> 
> \- I WILL DEFINITELY UPDATING WITH ONE CHAPTER EVERY DAY -

Three months. 12 weeks. 72 days. 1728 hours.

_That is a lot of time._

Jess lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling as the first light of the morning woke her up. Her head hurt a little from all the alcohol she'd had last night, but it was like the pain was making things a little clear for her. She had clarity. She knew what she wanted to do.

Nick had left for New Orleans last evening, and though she felt slightly dejected at the idea of him not being around, she also felt a certain thrill at the prospect of the looming challenge.

There was enough time to get over Nick. Last night, she had drowned herself in a bottle of wine after everyone had left. She felt slightly rueful about being left behind, but decided that what she needed was some time for herself. She had at least one week before Winston returned from the honeymoon prank, but even after his return, he'd probably hang around with Aly. And then another week before Schmidt and Cece came back.

So at least two weeks of some life changing, reflective, solitude.

_This will be good._

And she had three months before Nick came back, with a beautiful girlfriend on his arm, and that was more than enough time to brace herself and mentally prepare herself.

Three months. 12 weeks. 72 days. 1728 hours.

She would be ready for it, and when they came, Jess would welcome them warmly.

Jessica Christopher Day was not the kind of woman who would let her feelings for a man get in the way of life.

"Men may come and men may go, but I go on forever," she recited.

_Thank you, Lord Tennyson, for your support._

She thought reverently.

...

Jess opened her closet and gazed at the list she had prepared that was now stuck behind the closet door. The 'list' was nearly 10 A4 size sheets long. It was everything -  _every single thing -_  she'd ever wanted to do, ranging from small activities to taking courses, purchasing oddities and even changes she'd always wanted to introduce into her routine but ah, lethargy had always been a bigger enemy.

_I have a bigger enemy now._

She had taken three days to get the list together, and she couldn't be more excited to start checking things off of them. She had categorised all of them neatly of course. It was the most organised bucket-list anyone had ever made. The categories ranged from 'Long Term' to 'Expensive' and even 'Fun' and 'Not So Fun But Must Do It'.

Obviously.

She looked at herself in the mirror and threw a furtive glance at the brand new sports shows she'd bought.

_It's just a ten minute jog, Jess. You can do this. Ten minutes. What's the big deal?_

~Ten Minutes Later~

_At least I'm not dead._

She lay down on the grass, panting, staring at the clouds and trying to inhale deeply. As her breathing started to go back to normal, she smiled to herself, liking the feeling of that exhaustion.

_This is not bad._

She wondered if she start going to the gym to, but shook her head.

_Jess, no. Stick to the plan. Gym isn't until the end of Week 2._

After a moment, she pushed herself back up and started to stroll towards the loft.

_Tomorrow, I jog for 15 minutes._

She breathed in the fresh, morning air, revelling in the silence. All her life, she'd been surrounded by people, and found the need to talk. Talking came to her naturally, and any form of silence made her extremely uncomfortable. But after two days of being alone, she had started to enjoy her own company more and more, and learned to be more comfortable with her thoughts. She didn't spiral into sessions of overthinking anymore, and even if she did, the meditation classes she went to in the evening automatically calmed her down.

She reached home and took a long shower, humming initially but soon, she was singing at the top of her voice. Wearing just her underwear, she hopped to her bedroom and started to change when her eyes fell on her cellphone which sat on the dresser.

Nick hadn't called in the last four days at all. She started to feel her heart sink, and immediately, her body went on auto-mode and walked towards the closet to glance at her list.

_Seems like a good day to make some creme brûlée._


	2. Trickling Arrivals

When Winston came home from the Schmidts' honeymoon, he was surprised to find it empty. It was quite early in the morning and he'd expected Jess to be asleep, but her room was empty and bed was made. He wondered if he should be worried, and hesitated in the hallway for a second, before deciding to wait till at least 9 in the morning before he started to panic.

He wandered to the kitchen to find something to eat. In a glass container, he found some chocolate truffle in the fridge.

_God bless you, Jessica Day._

As he reached for it, he noticed a lot of different dishes in the fridge, half-eaten or untouched. Chuckling to himself, he sat at the kitchen island, ready to dig in, when he heard the door click open and Jess' singing voice fading in.

_"He say I know you…"_

"Hey Jess!"

"… _you know me…"_

 _"_ Jess!"

She appeared, headphones plugged in, neither hearing nor seeing Winston as she skipped straight towards the bathroom, presumably for a shower.

" _One thing I can tell you is you got to be free…"_

"JESS!"

_"Come together! Ri-ight no-ow!"_

_"_ JESSICA DAMN CHRISTOPHER DAY!" yelled Winston, feeling a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

_"…over me…"_

She finished with a flourish and was in the middle of a twirl when she saw Winston and her eyes widened in surprise as she pulled her headphones off.

"Winston!"

He let himself smile a little. "Hey, Jess."

She flew at him with a hug, letting out a happy squeak. Winston laughed and he looked her up and down. "Damn girl, you out running?"

Jess nodded. "Twenty minutes today," she said proudly. "I was going for twenty-five, but I cheated a little bit," she added sheepishly.

Winston shook his head. "Wow. Jessica Day is going running. I leave for one week and what is this world coming to!" he said dramatically.

He gestured to the island. "Breakfast?"

Jess shook her head. "Must shower, first. I'm on a clock here," she said, tapping her wrist with her index finger.

"Jess, you're not wearing a watch," said Winston pointedly.

"I know. But this is like… the universal gesture for time, Winston."

" _If_  you're wearing a watch."

"The fact that you knew what I meant, proves my point," she called, as she turned away and headed towards the bathroom.

"You goin' somewhere?"

She paused in the hallway, looking at him in confusion. "Yes, Winston. To the shower."

"No, no. After that," he said, sitting down again to finish the truffle.

"No. Why?"

"You… just said you were on a clock?"

"I am," she said, still not seeing his point.

"Well, if you're not going anywhere, and today's a holiday, cause it's summer and everything… What're you "on a clock" for?" he asked, pointing a fork at her.

Jess shrugged and without a response, headed to the shower as Winston looked after her with confusion. Jess had always insisted that holidays were meant to laze around a little bit and take things slowly.

What could've possibly changed?

_Nah, I'm reading too much into this. It's Jess, she's probably upto something weird or…something…_

Deciding not to worry too much over a mere change of routine, he continued to eat his truffle.

…

Another week passed. Cece and Schmidt were going to arrive anytime now. It was also the day that Jess started to go to gym.

…

The 4D residents, along with Aly, were chatting away to glory at the kitchen island as Jess attempted, for the the third time that week, to make baklava. There were very few afternoons like this, what with Jess being so busy all the time. Their chatter was cut by a loud  _ding_ as the oven announced that the baklava was, hopefully, ready.

A silence fell over island as everyone watched Jess nervously walk to the oven, put on some mitts and open the oven. Casting a furtive look at everyone, she pulled the tray and set it on the island for everyone to see. She poured the lukewarm syrup on the golden brown squares and Schmidt carefully sprinkled chopped pistachios on top. After ten minutes of watching the vapour rising steadily from the tray, Jess said, dramatically, "It is time."

Everyone grabbed a fork and picked a square each out of the tray and took a small bite off the square.

Jess punched the air in victory. "Nailed it!"

"You nailed it  _good_! _"_ said Schmidt, eyes closed, relishing the little Persian sweet.

"Fourth time is the charm," said Cece as she put another piece in her mouth.

Winston helped himself to another piece and looked pointedly at Cece, who gave him an imperceptible nod before clearing her throat and turning to Jess. "So do you wanna get some drinks tonight?"

Without looking up as she took another piece of the sweet, she said, "Can't. I have enrolled myself in a carpentry workshop."

"Well, how about  _after_ that?"

"Can't do. I have French class," she said shrugging, as she got up to transfer the remaining sweets into a container for refrigerating.

"We-ell, how about _tomorrow_?" pressed Cece, and Winston and Schmidt exchanged looks when they heard irritation creeping into Cece's voice.

Jess had heard it too. She turned around and looked at Cece calmly. "I can't. I have gym in the morning, then teaching craft to some kids and meditation class."

"I know what you're doing," said Cece, staring back coolly.

"Good, then you won't stop me," replied Jess, finally placing a box in the fridge and hurrying to her room to find an activity to replace the successful baklava baking.

"What do you mean you know what she's doing, Cecelia?" said Schmidt, turning to look at her, who just let out a frustrated sigh.

Winston looked at her, eyebrow quirked. "Yeah, what  _did_ you mean?"

Cece looked after where Jess had disappeared.

_Probably looking at that list of hers._

"Look, this is how she's coping with the break up with Sam," she lied. She peeked at Schmidt and could tell that he knew she was lying. She caught his hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. Schmidt rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in surrender, and as Winston, some what convinced, started to head to his room, followed by Schmidt looked at her pointedly again.

Cece shook her head at Jess' room and Schmidt huffed. "Yeah yeah, I get it. Chicks before dicks," he said grumpily.

Cece laughed. "Schmidt! It's not about that. It's just…"

"…not your thing to tell. Fine," he said shaking his head, but added, "Mark my words, the truth will out!"

Cece laughed. "That it will."

After they sat at the table for a few minutes, chuckling lightly, Schmidt asked her suddenly. "Hey, has Jess heard from Nick? At all?"

Cece shook her head. "Nope, I don't think so."

"It's been three weeks, and not a word from him except those two measly e-mails," said Schmidt, annoyed.

"Well, we know he's okay, and that's what matters, right?"

"Cece, we text each other at least 40 times a day. Do you know what a downgrade two emails in three weeks is?" asked Schmidt indignantly.

"Come on, Schmidt. Don't be silly. He's probably having a nice time with Reagan and at least he bothered to drop those two emails."

"Yeah. Thank god for  _that,"_ said Schmidt, rolling his eyes. "Now we know he's in New Orleans and he's staying near a cute little cafe, and that he has found inspiration to write a book."

After a pause, added, "I'm proud of him for that though. I hope he finishes it this time."

"Three months is a long time. He might just finish it," said Cece.

They heard Jess' bedroom door open and she looked like she was in a hurry. This wasn't an unusual sight anymore. As she flew towards the door, Cece called, "Where're you off to?"

"Pottery class!"

And she was out.

"I thought she had carpentry," said Schmidt, saying 'carpentry' with a little disdain.

"Probably after the pottery class," muttered Cece.

Schmidt looked at Cece again. "I don't know what's going on with her and you don't have to tell me, but I can tell something is off. All that activity is no doubt productive but she's going to overwork herself. Believe me, I've been there and it's not good, Cecelia, not good."

"And by the looks of it, she's exhibiting the behaviour of someone who is trying to avoid something," he added pointedly. "And that is  _very_  unlike Jess. So talk to her, Cece."

Cece nodded, knowing Schmidt was right. All this avoidance off the feelings she'd been having will one day, hit her right in the face and it would hurt like hell. There would be more pieces to pick this time than there had been three years ago.

"Besides, I miss her annoying singing around the loft… and the way she rearranges everything I try to keep in place" he said, adding "Don't tell her I said that. I still like things a certain way."

Cece chuckled lightly, but decided that she would talk to Jess when she came back. She missed her best friend.

When Jess came home, it was around ten in the evening. As soon as Cece heard the door unlock, she waited for a few moments before steeping out of Schmidt's room and heading to Jess'. She knocked on Jess' door thrice before opening it, and as she'd suspected, she found Jess in her closet, examining her list.

"Hey, Cece," said Jess, looking up at Cece as she walked in. She turned back to her list, hands on her hips. "So I can't decide between trying to make this Indian sweet  _rasagulla -_ did I say that right? - and this week-long gardening course."

Cece sat down on the edge of Jess' bed, saying nothing.

"I do like  _rasagulla_ a lot, you know. Reminds me of childhood when Mrs. P would send them over, you know? Remind me to ask her for her recipe. I like those very specifically. But then again, a gardening course would mean I'd know a lot more about plants than just  _watering_ them. That sounds interesting, don't you think?"

"Jess…"

"But I'd also like the loft to have a green touch. But do I need to take a gardening  _course_ for that? I could just get the plants and water them. There's enough sunlight indoors. But I always  _did_ want to  _learn_ gardening, you know what I mean? But will the guys-"

"Jess!"

Cece had stood up and cut her off more emphatically, hand on her shoulder, making Jess jump.

"Cece!" squeaked Jess, clutching her chest. "You scared the bejesus out of me!"

"Jess, what are you doing?"

"Looking for my next task," Jess said, eyes back on her list.

"Jess, come on. You know what I'm talking about."

"I already told you, Cece. I-"

"Yes, I get it. You're keeping yourself busy so you don't think about You-Know-Who."

"Yes, that is correct. Then why won't you-"

"I miss my best friend, Jess. All of us miss you," plead Cece.

Jess sighed and went to sit on the edge of her bed. "Cece, I can't. I love You-Know-Who and I have come to terms with it and-"

"Nu-uh. I won't believe you till you stop calling him You-Know-Who.  _Say his name, for god's sake!_ "

"That will happen when I'm  _over_ him. I'm not. But if you just let me do this, I will be. He'll be back in three months and I will be fully prepared then. Cece, please?"

Cece sighed in defeat. "Fine. But…  _try_ , Jess. The guys have noticed."

Jess nodded and watched her friend leave dejectedly. She felt a little guilty, and decided to make it a point to be with her friends at least once a week.

…

Jess was cleaning her windows when she heard the cab pull in. She looked down, and froze.

_You-Know-Who._

She recognised the person instantly from where she stood. There was no mistaking the hair, the gait, the battered suitcase.

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. What is happening! Am I imagining this?! This is too soon._

_I still call him You-Know-Who. ShIt. SHiT._

_Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon._

She quickly got off the sill, and started wringing her hands.

_I'm not read, I'm not ready, I'm not ready. I was supposed to have another month at hand._

She gulped and her eyes flickered to the list.

_No time, no time, no time._

_Why am I repeating things?_

Pacing, she considered dashing for a run. No one would suspect anything because no one knew yet that he was back.

_Or did they? Why didn't they tell me!_

She had approximately 90 seconds left to make a decision. She sat on her bed, letting out forceful exhalations.

_Calm, calm, calm._

_Must go running. Must go running. Must go running._

_Stop repeating things!_

And with that, she had grabbed her ancient walkman and run out of her bedroom towards the main door, deciding to take the stairwell to avoid coming face-to-face with You-Know-Who.

"I need to go for a run!" she yelled at her surprised loft mates as she flew out of the door.

"Jess! Jessica, it's 2:30 in the afternoon!"

And once again, she was gone. Few minutes later, the door flew open.

"Nick Miller's back in town!" he said, dropping his bags and looking at them, waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! - www.cosmictrap.tumblr.com, Twitter - @cosmictrap


	3. Return of the "Dark Lord"

After the excitement died down, Nick finally asked the question that plagued him. "So um, where's Jess?" he asked looking around, trying to keep his voice casual. He'd been looking forward to surprising the hell out of her with his early, unannounced arrival (boy, if he only knew to what extent he'd succeeded at  _that_ ).

Schmidt grimaced. "She's out running. You missed her by literally a minute."

Nick laughed. "Jess? Out running?"

Winston shook his head. "That's the second time today."

Nick frowned. "What? Since when does Jess go running, let alone twice a day?"

"Much has changed, Nicholas," said Schmidt, shaking his, grimacing again. "And  _none_ of us knows why," he finished, petulantly crossing his arms while pointedly looking at Cece.

Squirming slightly, Cece, before questions would be directed at her, hastily added, "Jess hasn't been home much, that's all."

"Hasn't been home? That is an understatement, Cecelia," said Schmidt rolling his eyes.

"What? What do you mean? What has she been doing?" asked Nick, curious and then, a little bit more apprehensively, added, "Is she seeing someone?"

Schmidt threw his hands in the air. "Ha, Jess doing  _someone!?_ Now  _that_ I can still deal with, Nicholas. But she's just traipsing out of the house all the time. Doing….  _things!_ " said Schmidt, gesticulating wildly.

Nick looked at both Winston and Cece, hoping for a clearer explanation. They shrugged in response, and Winston added, "He's not even exaggerating, man. It's literally how it has been."

"What? I mean-"

"Well, now that you're back, you'll see for yourself, Nick. It's kinda hard to explain," said Cece, cutting him off, knowing full well that his unexpected arrival would only accelerate Jess' need to check things off the list.

_Yep, it was going to get worse now._

She wondered if Jess's sudden departure had something to do with Nick's arrival, but he'd surprised everyone.

_She couldn't possibly have known._

Cece couldn't help but feel slightly thankful that Jess had left before Nick arrived because wow, springing a surprise like that on her would have unnerved her. She pulled her phone out and decided to leave Jess a message to let her know.

…

Jess was on her third round in the park when her phone beeped. She paused to look at her phone and seeing that it was from Cece, she stopped to open the message.

_Cece: So, um. You-Know-Who is back. A LOT earlier than he was supposed to. Just a heads up. Xoxo_

She sighed and typed in her reply as she walked to the nearest bench to sit down.

_Jess: I knowww. I saw from my bedroom window as his cab pulled up. x_

_Cece:_ _Ha! I knew it. That's why you went running again, didn't you?_

_Jess:_ _Yeah :( :( :(_

_Cece:_ _He asked for you._

_Jess:_ _Sigh. I'll be back soon. I need to clear my head. I wasn't prepared for this._

_Cece:_ _I know, babe. I know. Take your time (not too long, Schmidt might just explode lol)_

_Haha, yeah, don't worry._

After a second or two, Jess texted her again.

_Jess:_ _Hey, Cece, I'm sorry._

_Cece:_ _Jess. It's alright, I understand. :)_

_Jess: I_ _'ll see you soon. xoxo_

Jess looked up from her screen and inhaling deeply, continued her rounds.

…

As Winston headed out for work, he looked at the clock and frowned. He turned around to the living area and asked, "Guys, why isn't Jess back yet?"

Nick, who sat in the kitchen eating the baklava, looked up, pretending to have just noticed. "Oh yeah, it's been nearly an hour now."

"You don't think she's passed out somewhere, do you?" he asked, worry passing over his face.

Schmidt shook his head from the couch as he looked at Nick. "It's isn't the same Jessica you left behind, Nick. She's stronger now. So strong that she doesn't need her friends anymore and-"

Cece swatted his forearm. "Schmidt! Stop being so dramatic!" Then she turned to Nick and added, "Nothing to worry about, Nick. She's probably doing some extra rounds."

Nick looked at Schmidt's grumpy face puzzled. He felt genuinely perplexed at Schmidt's bitter remark. It wasn't like him. Yes, he was touchy about spending "quality" time with friends but his remarks about his friends being busy were usually playful and even if he seemed serious, he didn't really expect the said friends to drop things for him. Nick wondered if he was imagining the tinge of genuine bitterness and disappointment in Schmidt's voice but he could tell the way Winston and Cece reacted to him, that they somewhat agreed with him.

"Okay, I get that she hasn't been home a lot and has been busy, but that's a good thing always, right? Being productive and… and stuff?"

Winston, who was still standing at the door simply shook his head. "You'll see for yourself, man."

With that, he was out of the door after informing them that he was going to Aly's for the night.

…

As Winston walked out of the apartment and towards the parking, he frowned as he saw a familiar figure on sitting on the pavement, eating what he recognised as a chocolate chip muffin from the cafe down the street.

She sat on the pavement, with her hands out straight as the crooks of her elbow rested on her knees. Munching on the muffin, she was nodding to the music that blocked out Winston, blasting so loud that Winston could hear it. Junkie XL's  _Come Together_ was playing at its loudest.

_Wow._

Winston stood behind her and cleared her throat, and wasn't surprised when she didn't hear him. "Jess?" he tried.

Then he put on her shoulder, making her jump. Immediately, she dropped the muffin and holding his hand, tugged at it so hard that Winston tumbled in front of her, almost falling on his knees.

"Winston!"

"Damn, Jess!" he groaned, as he steadied himself in front of her.

"My muffin's ruined!" she said ruefully.

"Girl since when can you do that!" he asked, rubbing his arm.

"I've been taking self-defence classes," she said defensively.

"Of course, you have," he muttered.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" she said, lifting her eyes off the crumbling muffin on the road.

Winston nodded.

"Why'd you creep on me like that?"

"Well, your damn music is so loud you didn't hear me. Since when do you listen to that stuff?"

Jess shrugged. "It's my workout song."

"Work out?" he asked laughing, as he eyed that cupcake. "Right."

"Hey, I went running.  _So many rounds._ I deserved a treat, okay?" she said sheepishly.

Winston chuckled, but then became serious. "Jess, why're you sitting down here?"

Jess stood up, picking up the remnants of the sad muffin, and looked at the ground carefully. "I don't know. It's good weather, so I thought I'd sit out here."

"You realize we have a rooftop. And a balcony."

"Ah, yes. You're right. Silly me, so forgetful."

"You've lived there for 5 years, Jess.'

"Jesus, Winston, am I suspect or something," she laughed nervously.

Winston quirked a brow. "Are you?"

"Haha, Winston. Good one, you're hilarious," she said, swatting his arm awkwardly.

He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, and then, shaking his head, he said, "By the way, Nick's home."

"Oh. I know," she said, looking at the ground.

"Oh! Then why are you still sitting here! I thought you'd be excited to see him!"

"What? Why would you think that Winston!" she said, and started to ramble. "He's my friend, just like he's your friend. And Schmidt's. And Cece's. And Aly's. And yours. Why would you say that?"

Winston stared at her, partly confused, partly amused when another thought crossed his mind. "Hey wait, how'd you know? You'd run out a few seconds before he- Oh! Jessica Day, you-" he started, cocking his head at her.

"No, it's not what you think! How would I have known, no one knew, right? It was just a weird coincidence, is all. I went running and Cece texted me," she said, eyes wide. "Ha, I didn't know he'd come today. How could I? It's not like I sit by the window all day on a lookout and stuff, right. I mean I was just  _standing_  there  _today,_  a coincidence I assure you, and…" she trailed away as she realised that her lie had transitioned into rambling which was turning into the truth. Almost.

Winston continued to look at her eyebrows raised. He was about to say something when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and exclaimed "Ah, crap, is that the time? I have to go," he muttered. Then looking back at her, he said, "Now you get your ass upstairs!" he scolded, and as he walked away, called to her, " _And this conversation is not over. I will find you tomorrow. That's a promise!"_

Jess sighed and looked up at the building apprehensively. She put the muffin in the trash and entered the building, mentally bracing herself.

…

Jess opened the door as softly as she could, just a peep.

_Maybe no one's in the living room._

_Maybe I can just avoid him and just stay in my room and lock myself up in there forever…_

_Well, that's not practical._

_Fine, at least till I feel ready to do this._

She held the door ajar; it was open hardly a foot a wide, stopped just before it could creak. She carefully slid in her left foot inside and slowly wiggled her body in, before pulling her right leg in as well. She turned to close the door again, and with her mission successfully completed, she punched the air in victory with both arms, whisper-yelling, "YES!", and swirling around with a flourish.

"Oh. Hello, friends."

…

With Winston gone, Nick sat on the couch watching TV uninterestedly, his thoughts elsewhere, in New Orleans. He was mildly restless with all these thoughts and wished they would shut down for a while, but they didn't, obviously. If thoughts were that easy to control, the world would've been a happier place.

The first two days at New Orleans had started out well enough. Nick felt confident about his relationship, fuelled by what Jess had said to him before he'd left. But hardly a week had passed, and he was already homesick. Reagan's fancy choices and the few friends he'd met, made him feel out of place, almost as he was on a different plane of existence.

By the end of the second week, he was uncomfortable that the only relationship-like aspect of what he had with Reagan was sex and the occasional public display of affection. Reagan never opened up and seemed perfectly comfortable behind her walls. Nick used to be like that, but Jess, he realized, had made him see that with the walls down, everything became much clearer, and the view was incredible. And once that epiphany came, he became extremely restless.

He wanted to  _talk_ to Reagan and get to know her, but he realised that he didn't care enough to actually make efforts to pry her open. The conflict confused him, and gave rise to so many questions, the most important of which was -  _If I don't care enough, what am I even doing here!_  He started to spend less and less time with her and was out on the streets of New Orleans. By the end of the third week, Julius Pepperwood had gone from being a mere idea to a clear person in his head, yet something was missing.

Sometime in the fifth week, when he watched Reagan get ready for work, he spotted her perfume bottle and chuckled.

_"Jess has one just like that in blue."_

_Reagan looked at him in the mirror and gave him a small smile. "Oh yeah, it is a very Jess-like scent."_

And that was just the beginning.

_"Jess has one like that in yellow!" he exclaimed while shopping on weekend with Reagan, eyeing a dress on display._

_"Ha, Jess loved the strawberry flavour!" he chuckled as they sat at the ice-cream parlour._

_"Oh, wow, Jess would love this vintage bag!" he explained, as he eagerly bought it._

_"Jess has one just like that!" he said, pointing to a headband on a little girl's head who walked past them with her mother._

_"This dress would bring out the colour of her eyes," he said, cocking his head at a sky blue dress on display in a store._

And so it went on, until he realised, towards the end of the seventh week, that what Julius Pepperwood was missing, was a certain Jessica Night.

Another week later, he'd told Reagan that it wasn't working out and was on his way home, back to Los Angeles.

A voice cut through his reverie, as he jumped, startled. "Penny for 'em."

He looked up to see Cece, standing by the dining table, head tilted, a glass of water in her hand. "Hey, Cece. Nothing much, just thinking about New Orleans."

Cece nodded. "Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out with Reagan."

Nick shrugged. "I'm not. Some things just aren't meant to be."

Cece quirked a brow. "Wow, where's Nick Miller and what have you done to him? Where're all the tears and alcohol that Schmidt had promised!"

He chuckled and shrugged again. "I'm good, Cece. Won't be needing any of those."

Cece walked up to him laughing. "I'm glad you're doing good, Miller."

Nick nodded and wondered for a split second if he should confide in Cece. She was after all Jess' best friend, but that also meant that whatever he said would go back to Jess somehow, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that. Not yet, anyway.

"So how's living Schmidt treatin' ya?" he asked as she was about to sit down.

"Well, aside from a  _few_ setbacks, quite good actually. I love it, and I love him and he loves me. So yep, it's great! In fact, we were looking-"

She stopped mid-sentence as she settled in her seat, looking over his shoulder in confusion. Following her gaze, he turned around to see that the door had opened just a little bit, and a leg in blue shoes and neon green socks slid in. It was soon followed by a torso clad in a light pink tank top and finally, a brown pony and flushed Jessica Day's face, and the sight of her immediately made him smile, and his heart beat just a little bit faster.

In a second or two, all of her was inside and she stood with her back to them as she closed the door very softly, and threw her hands in the air in an obvious gesture of triumph. She turned around with a flourish and froze as she drank in the extremely confused and partly amused faces on the couch.

"Oh," she squeaked. "Hello, friends."

"Hey, Day," said Nick, getting to his feet and smiling.

"What was _that_  about?" asked Cece.

Jess shrugged, and looking at Nick, she said, "I didn't want to disturb anyone."

Cece raised her eyebrows in understanding and nodded, but Nick, as he walked towards her, asked, "Disturb them from what? It's four forty-five in the evening!"

She merely laughed weakly in response.

"I missed you, Jess," he sighed, pulling her into a hug suddenly, as she looked over his shoulder, wide-eyed, at Cece who merely smiled a little and got up to leave the room despite Jess' warning looks.

After Cece disappeared, she hesitantly dragged her hands upwards and hugged him as he hugged her tighter and she found herself pulling away. "Ugh, Nick, I'm so sweaty! I need to take shower."

He grinned at her. "Sweaty or not, I still missed you."

She gave him a small smile. "I missed you too, Nick."

...

A long shower later, grateful that Nick had retreated to his room, she was staring at her list, making some changes with a pencil on it. She heard the door open and peeped to see that Cece was standing in her room, arms crossed. "What're you doing?" she asked.

"Pushing some things around because of the unforeseen circumstances," she muttered.

As Cece stared at the list ruefully, she had the temptation to rip it apart, but if this was Jess' way of coping, then so be it. She sat down on the edge of Jess' bed before looking at her friend. "So, he broke up with Reagan."

Jess threw a glance at Cece, looking at her questioningly. "I don't know why though, wouldn't say much. But he seems perfectly fine."

"Well, good for him," said Jess, and went back to her list.

"Jess, come on! This could-"

"Cece, no. This means nothing. I don't need those kinds of thoughts in my head now. You-Know-Who is-"

"Oh, for god's sake,  _Jess!_ He's back! You can't go on calling him You-Know-Who! Say his name, already!"

"I will only when it's necessary."

"Jess, fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself," said Cece sagely.

"A-ha! I knew you were reading the books!" said Jess, smiling superiorly.

"No, I watched the movies, dummy!"

"I'm afraid the Dark Lord has returned," said Jess in a gravelly voice.

Cece laughed. "That is  _not_ what he sounds like!"

Jess chuckled and turned back to stare at her list.

"But seriously though, Jess. The "Dark Lord"  _has_ returned. You need to get it together!" said Cece, air-quoting "Dark Lord".

"I  _am_!" said Jess, indignantly, waving her hand across the length of her closet door.

"You know, someday, the guys are gonna find that, and you'll have some explaining to do," said Cece pointedly.

"I doubt they will. It can only be seen from inside the closet, which none of them has any reason to be in," she said, shrugging. "Besides, if it ever comes up, this is my long-term to-do list."

"Like  _that's_ going to work," said Cece, shaking her head. "Why now, Jess? I've never seen that in your closet before," Cece said in a mock masculine voice.

"And who is  _that_  supposed to be?" asked Jess, laughing.

"Take your pick," shrugged Cece.

"Well, Winston. It's something I decided to do recently."

"Why was that Winston?" asked Cece, tilting her head.

"I-I don't know, man. _Al_ l of them have seen the inside of my closet. So I- I don't know... Winston!"

"Fine," said Cece, before continuing. "What brought this on? You're dying aren't you, Jessica?" grumbled Cece in her faux masculine voice.

"No, I'm not dying,  _Schmidt_ ," said Jess, "Oh come on, both of us know only Schmidt would ask me that," she replied to Cece's raised eyebrows.

Agreeing knowingly, Cece continued. "I'm waiting for the answer, Jess."

"I made it after you guys left. I was alone and decided to do something constructive with my time. That's all."

"But we're all back now, Jess," continued Cece, now standing up, hands on her hips.

"Well, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-"

"Jess!"

"Okay,  _fine,_ " muttered Jess. "Well,  _Nih,_ I-"

"It's Ni- _ck,_ Jess," said Cece, half amused, half incredulous, as she crossed her arms.

"Alright, alright," said Jess. "Well,  _Nicholas..._ "

Cece narrowed her eyes at her.

 _"What?_ I feel powerful when I say his whole name!" Insisted Jess, standing straighter with hands on her hips and waved her hand in an arc. "I feel like I'm... I'm intimidating, you know!"

Cece just rolled her eyes, partially amused at her. "Continue," she said, nodding at her.

"Anyways,  _Nicholas._ As I was saying... I decided to continue with the list because, why not. I was on a streak and I didn't want to end it."

"But that doesn't mean you stop spending time with me,  _Jessica_!"

Jess laughed. "Well, you can't-"

The door flew open and Schmidt walked, hands up in the air. "Okay, am I interrupting some weird role-play, or something?"

"Schmidt, what're you even-" asked Jess, starting to laugh, but Schmidt continued.

"If I am, thank God for that because you had your chance, Jess! We're married now, you can't... do  _this_  anymore," he said, shaking his finger back and forth between both of them.

"Schmidt, are you serious, right now?" asked Cece, swatting at his arm.

"I heard your voice, Cecelia. It was all deep, like...like..." he started, flailing his wrist around his neck, looking confused.

"We were just messing around, Schmidt!" laughed Jess.

"That is exactly what I'm worried about, Jessica. No more messing around I tell you,  _none_!"

"Alright,  _fine._ I will not make a move on your wife, I'm sorry, Cece," she giggled.

Schmidt sat down on her bed next to Cece. "So what're you two upto?"

Both of them shrugged dismissively, but then his eyes fell on Jess' open closet door and he scanned it, gaze running down the nearly door-length sheet.

"Is that...?" he asked trailing away, standing and walking towards it, eyes narrowed.

"Schmidt, that's private!" squeaked Jess, as she jumped forward to grab him and try to pull him away.

As she tugged at him, he strained his neck to read it. "It is, isn't it! A to-do list! I see it now, that ridiculous Japanese shmoop you'd made and the creme brûlée and truffle... even that carpentry class! This is a to-do list!"

He whirled to look around at Jess, who stood there sheepishly, smiling at him nervously.

"What brought this on? You're dying aren't you, Jessica?" he asked, despairing. "I should've known!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Junkie XL's Come Together is my earworm right now, okay? xD Followed by Aerosmith's.


	4. Nicholas

Cece had requested Schmidt not to mention the list to anyone.

"But Cece, if she's dying, they need to know. Everyone needs to know!" said Schmidt exasperatedly, as he plopped down on their bed.

Cece rolled her eyes. "She's not dying, Schmidt. It's a to-do list. When people spend time alone with their thoughts, they just… get ideas they didn't think about before. And you know Jess… she's not used to being alone, and when she was, she found a way to cope with it. She doesn't back down on a challenge, so well…. she continued to do."

_Brilliant._

Cece mentally gave herself a pat on the back, surprised at her own perfectly sound concoction. But Schmidt rolled his eyes at her.

"Don't look so pleased, Cecelia. We both know you're lying."

Cece looked at him indignantly. "It's true…!"

Schmidt crossed his arms and raised his brows. "Really, Cecelia? So this has nothing to do with my best friend? My author buddy? The guy who-"

"No! Pshh! Of course, not! What gave you the idea, Schmidt!" exclaimed Cece dramatically.

"Well, you're high-pitched lying voice for instance," he said, before adding, "Oh and my sensitivity towards my friends' feelings."

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Okay, fine. I was eavesdropping," he admitted, not an ounce of remorse on his face.

"What! Schmidt!" she said, swatting his hand for the nth time that day.

"Hey, you made a promise to your friend not to tell me. We can't have you breaking promises, can we?" he said, looking at her pointedly, and quietly adding, "But we also can't have me not knowing why one of my closest friends is behaving so weirdly."

She crossed her arms, annoyed, but only partly, trying very hard not to smile at him, touched at how much he cared about her best friend. Refusing to confirm anything, she just shook her head at him, and bent down to give him a kiss, which he gladly returned.

…

One evening when Jess returned from one of her "escapades" as Schmidt called them, she found everyone (except Winston, who was at Aly's place) sitting in the living room.

"Hey, Jess!" said everyone at once, turning to look at her.

"Hey, guys!" she said, going to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. She walked towards the living area, gulping down her water quickly.

As she headed towards her bedroom, Nick called, "Hey, Jess! Come sit with us for a while! We haven't really talked much since I came!"

Everyone turned to look at her waiting for her response; Schmidt a with knowing smile and Cece just looked at her with a tilted head, mild concern etched on her face.

"I can't Y- _Nicholas_ , I enrolled myself in a sketching workshop. I have to leave in twenty minutes."

"But Jess, you just got here!" said Nick, pleadingly, looking at the others for support.

"Yeah, Jess. Stay, why don't you?" said Schmidt throwing one leg over the other, and leaning back in the couch.

Jess stared at him. "You _know_ , I can't. I've paid good money for this!"

Nick sighed. "Okay, Jess. Maybe afterwards?"

"Yeah, maybe afterwards," she said, smiling tightly at him and skipping away to her room.

"Yeah, maybe _never_ ," mumbled Schmidt under his breath, and Cece elbowed his ribs in response.

Nick looked in the direction of her bedroom, wondering if something was wrong. But he shook away that thought.

_Nothing's wrong, Miller. She's just busy with a bunch of things she wants to do._

…

Next morning, Jess was on her way for a run when she heard another door open and Winston stepped into the hallway in track pants and a t-shirt.

"Mind if I join you, today?" he asked, not waiting for her answer as he reached the door and held it open for her.

"Nope. Not all," said Jess warily.

When they got downstairs, Jess looked at Winston and gave him a nervous smile. "I jog that way, usually," she said, pointing down the road with the muffin cafe.

"Yeah, me too," shrugged Winston.

"No, you don't! You don't go towards the park in the morning 'cause all those ducks freak you out!" said Jess indignantly.

"Dammit, woman! I've had a change of heart! Is that a problem!" exclaimed Winston, throwing his arms up. "I'll take whatever route I want to take…. Even if it ends in _ducks._ "

Jess shook her head. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Winston patted her arm affectionately. "So let's do this thing."

Smiling at him, she nodded once and the two of them started jogging, with a throw of conversation here and there.

"I've missed this," stated Winston, panting slightly, on their second round around the park. (They'd take a longer route, because… ducks.)

"What?" asked Jess, looking at him, as she stopped jogging to catch a breath.

"Talking to you about things, Jess," he said quietly. "You've been busy lately, so… I don't know, this is nice," he said, shrugging.

Jess sighed mentally, but before she could say anything, Winston continued. "And about what happened yesterday afternoon…"

"Winston, I-"

"…I told you the conversation wasn't finished," he completed.

"I don't know what to say, Winston. This isn't about him…"

"Then, why are you-"

"Well, after Sam, _he_ left… everyone left…and then I started to feel lonely…"

"He who?" asked Winston perplexed. "Sam? Schmidt? Nick?"

"Your childhood friend, Winston," said Jess, pointedly.

"Who, Nick?"

"Yes, him."

Winston raised his brows, and beckoned for her to continue.

"So I just preoccupied myself by doing things and well, I'm on a roll and didn't want to break the streak…. Yesterday, my sitting downstairs had nothing to do with him coming back. I was tired and wanted to eat the muffin. That's all, Winston."

Winston nodded, unconvinced, but didn't pry any further _,_ wondering if he was imagining her purposefully not saying Nick's name. He dismissed the thought almost immediately.

_That would mean so many things… could be bit of a stretch._

…

"Hey, I'm going grocery shopping. Do you wanna come with?"

"I can't Nicholas, I have some place to be and-"

"But you love grocery shopping! _You never say 'no' to grocery shopping!"_

…

Jess was examining her list when the door flew open and Jess closed the closet door immediately. Nick peeped in and asked her if she wanted to the mall with them.

"Nope, not today, Nicholas. Gotta go dirt-biking today."

Nick's eyes widened, but he said nothing. He gave her a small nod and walked out, closing the door behind him.

_Dirt bikes!?_

…

"Hey, Jess, I don't have to go to work today. Want to go to the movies?" asked Nick one morning.

"Sorry, can't do, Nicholas. I'm busy _all day_ today."

She hurried to her room and grabbed her pencil, starting to work on the list to turn that little lie into truth. As she worked on her list, she ignored a voice at the back of her head which told her that she couldn't do this forever.

" _Watch me!"_ she sang under her breath.

…

"Jess, wanna come to the bar with us?"

"No thank you, Nicholas. I'd love to but I have a gardening class to attend."

"Fine," he muttered, before adding, "Stop calling me 'Nicholas' all the time, Jess. Why're you doing that! It makes me feel like I'm in the principal's office!"

Jess gave him a finger gun. "Two weeks detention, Nicholas."

" _But I didn't do anything!"_ he said in a pretend-whiny voice, the smile in his voice unhidden.

Shaking her head in amusement, she walked out of the loft, proud of herself.

_Maybe this wouldn't be so bad._

…

One afternoon, when Jess came home, no one was home. Or so she thought… As she hurried to her room, she saw Nick had stepped out of the shower in only his towel and was walking towards his room. Jess let out a squeak of surprise, and turned away.

Nick laughed with amusement. "What, you've seen me naked multiple time, Jess!"

Jess reddened slightly and turned back to him, wide-eyed, beginning to notice that he looked leaner, and the "cookie pouch" had disappeared.

_Were those abs?!_

"Wow, Nicholas, have you been working out?" she asked before she could help herself.

Nick quirked a brow and crossed his arms, leaning against the frame of his door. "Maybe… Like what you see?" he asked, mirth in his eyes.

Jess's eyes shot up to his, slightly frantic. "Ha, ha. Very funny, Nicholas," she muttered and hastily went into her bedroom.

" _Quit calling me, "_ Nicholas" _all the time, Jessica! I mean it!"_ he called as she slammed her bedroom door.

…

Nick had stepped out into the hallway on his way to the front door when he heard it unlock. He slowed down a little to see Jess step inside quietly, closing the door behind her. She wore a blue jacket with dark jeans, which were dusted in light brown sprinklings of sawdust, carrying a large tote bag. As he stood there silently, she dropped her bag with thud and shrugged out of her blue jacket to reveal a light pink t-shirt. She hung her jacket and picked up the bag and started towards her bedroom when she saw Nick and dropped her bag again, startled to see him standing there.

"Nicholas! Hey!"

Nick raised a brow, and Jess smiled tightly. "Sorry, _Nickhey!_ "

"Hey, Jess," he said, smiling.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" asked Jess, collecting herself and bending to pick her bag up.

"I'm running a little late," he admitted sheepishly.

"Well, don't let me stop you," she said, walking past him towards her room.

"Hey, wait!" he said, grabbing her arm and turning her around. She crashed into his chest at the force and dropped her bag once again. She sprang away from him after recovering from the surprise and looked at him wide-eyed, questioningly. Gulping, Nick let go of her and his hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously.

"Er, sorry about that… I just er, why don't you come to the bar with me?"

Her eyes grew wider and he saw something pass over her face for a split second, but it was gone so soon that he wondered if he had imagined it. "I just came back from the carpentry workshop and I'm covered in dust all over…" she said nervously. "I really need to take a shower."

"You don't take long showers anyway. I'll wait," he said shrugging, crossing his arms.

"I have sawdust in my hair," she said quickly, running her fingers through her hair. "I'll be taking a longer shower than usual. Takes a while to get it all out, you know. I don't want you to get late, Nicholas."

Nick went to sit on the couch, a stubborn look coming over his face. "I'm late anyway. Besides, I'm the boss now. I don't think Schmidt will mind very much," he said, sitting down. "You take a shower, and I'll wait."

Jess opened her mouth to say something, but her mind was coming up blank. She sighed in resignation, and agreed, muttering at him to leave if he thinks she's taking too long.

It goes without saying, she tried to stay in the shower as long as she could and Nick didn't leave without her either.

…

As they stood quietly in the elevator, Jess fidgeting with the hem of her navy blue dress, Nick threw a glance at her - eyes down, feet tapping, restless hands - and frowned.

"Why're you so nervous, Jess?"

Her head shot up to him, eyes wide. "Nervous? I'm not nervous. Who is nervous? No one, that's who. _You're_ nervous," she said, too quickly, then adding sheepishly, "I mean, are _you_ nervous?"

Nick gave her a confused laugh. "What, no. Jess, you're doing your 'I'm nervous' dance, that's why asked."

Jess' feet stopped tapping immediately and she crossed her arms. She looked at him indignantly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Nick quirked a brow. "Right, sure you don't."

"What, I don't!"

Nick raised his hands in surrender. He heard Jess huff as she turned her gaze to the elevator. It pinged and they stepped out of it, and when they reached the door, he held it open for her.

"Thanks," she muttered, stepping out.

She inhaled deeply, trying to get new air to replace the air tinted with Nick's scent that had taken over her lungs (and her brain). She started to walk towards Nick's car, and when he didn't follow her, she turned around questioningly. He was fumbling around his jeans, a frown etched on his face.

"I think I left my car keys upstairs," he said, looking at her sheepishly.

Jess groaned. "Alright, let's go upstairs and get it," she said, starting to walk back inside.

Once again, he caught her hand and pulled her back. "No time. Let's just walk?" he asked.

"But if we get the keys, we'll be able to get there faster. Walking will take longer, Nick." she said, frowning.

Nick sighed. "Actually, I don't remember where I left them. It'll take a while to look for them."

"The key-bowl exists for a reason, Nick!" Jess exclaimed, partially amused.

"I know, I know," he said, letting go of her hand. "I'm sorry."

Jess softened. "Alright, let's walk to your bar!" she said.

Nick grinned and held his arm out for her. Hesitantly, she linked her arm through his and relaxed when he pat her arm. They walked down the street, a little slower than necessary and Nick's hands were in his pocket, holding tight to his keys to ensure they didn't jingle and give away their presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @loadsofschmidt for the beta-read!


	5. The Walk

As they walked towards the bar, Jess was increasingly worried about her nervousness turning their silence awkward.

_I'm not being conspicuously nervous, right? It'd be awkward only then._

_Okay, good. This is not awkward. This is not at all awkward._

She started to relax, unaware of the side glances Nick was throwing her way. He was content watching her lost in thoughts, the smallest of frowns knitting her brows. As he took her in for the first time since he'd come back, he saw that she looked a lot leaner. He wondered if he was imagining the muscle in her arms as she flexed them around his arms. He could also tell that something was very, very different about her. She looked slightly tired, and her eyes didn't shine the way the used to anymore.

_Or maybe I'm imagining this._

When they turned around a corner, Nick realised that they were getting closer to the bar, and for the first time in days, he actually had some time with her. Drawing in a nervous breath, he asked, "So, um, what's up."

_Oh my god, that was stupid._

She looked at him quizzically. "Um, nothing much?"

He nodded once before the silence fell around them again. But shaking his head, Nick determined to make more conversation. So he decided to ask her the question that'd been on top of his mind for a while now.

"So, um, why'd you and Sam break up?" he asked in one breath.

She froze in her tracks, her arms dropping to the side, startled. "What? Sam? Nick, that was months ago!"

He looked down guiltily, pausing in front of her. "I know, it's just that… with the wedding the next day, and Reagan coming and me leaving for New Orleans… I never really talked to you about it," he paused, hesitating for a moment before adding, "I'm sorry."

Jess laughed incredulously. "What for?!"

"I don't know what I was thinking, leaving like that," he muttered.

Feeling a catch in her throat, she hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder. "Nick, you took a leap of faith. You, er, tried to get out of your comfort zone for her," she said softly.

He looked at her, with the tiniest of smiles, so small that it might as well not have been there. And with maybe just a hint of sadness, he said, "Well, she was the wrong person to do that for, wasn't she?"

She stared at him, wondering if he was saying what she thought he was saying. She tried to say something but felt at a loss for words. So she simply asked, "What happened?"

"She just wasn't.." he trailed away, looking at her. ' _You'_ he wanted to say, but finished with _"…_ what I wanted."

_No lies there, technically._

He took her hand again lightly and they started to walk again. He pretended not to notice how she tensed very slightly when he'd taken her wrist. Instead, he chose to focus on what she was saying.

"But… You wanted to be with her so badly," she said, frowning.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but there were too many walls between us Jess. And I didn't care enough about wanting them down."

"But that's like Nick Miller's ultimate fantasy," she chortled and threw her free arm in the air in mock celebration. "No feelings,  _yay_!"

"Well, turns out Nick Miller does care. I  _want_ to be able to talk about my feelings, make plans about my future," he said, looking at her, and added laughing a little bitterly, "And  _not_ the stupid kind you heard last time."

Jess widened her eyes, her brain going into overdrive as she wondered, for the second time that night, if he was referring to what she thought he was referring to. "Nick, I-" she started, but Nick cut her off.

"So, what happened to you and Sam?"

Sighing softly, she said, "I don't want to talk about it."

He looked at her sad expression, which held a hint of nervousness. "That bad, huh?"

She shook her head vehemently. "No, no, it's not that. It's just that I… I-I felt that…" She sighed in frustration. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Jessica Day doesn't want to share her feelings?" he asked dramatically. "How long was I gone?!"

Jess laughed softly. "Oh, how the tables have turned."

"Right," he said, looking up at the neon griffin that had come into view. As they reached the entrance, Nick hesitantly slipped his hand from her wrist down to her fingers. He lightly intertwined their fingers as they reached the door of the bar, and brushing them delicately, pulled away as he opened the door to the bar.

Jess stood at the entrance, bringing her hand up to stare at it for a second with a frown, before looking at Nick's retreating figure in complete confusion. As the door started to shut behind him, she hurriedly followed, her mind in a complete daze.

…

When Nick entered the bar, followed closely by Jess, Schmidt's flair for theatrics made an appearance.

"Jessica Day! What're you doing in this obscene part of town! Don't you have somewhere to be!" he gasped, hand on his chest, eyes very wide.

Jess rolled her eyes as she slid in next to him in the booth, but said nothing.

"I'll be with y'all in while," grumbled Nick and headed to his office.

He closed the door and leaned against it, troubled. Jess was being very strange, and now he knew for sure. He'd had his suspicions, but now he had no doubt. She seemed a lot more subdued and quiet. He'd initially just dismissed it as her being too busy and not being around much, but those few moments he'd spent with her were more than enough.

Her unwillingness to talk about Sam had stirred some unease in him. She'd more or less admitted that the breakup hadn't been devastating.

_Then what was it?_

_Why was she so hesitant?_

_Was something wrong?_

Nick wondered for a second if he'd done something to upset her, but if that was the case, she'd be somewhat withdrawn only towards him, right?

He turned around and opened the door just a peep, looking towards the booth he knew they were all seated. All of them were talking, but Jess idly stirred her pink wine with a black straw, smiling at them. The more he looked, the more he started to think that the smile looked strained and didn't reach her eyes.

Deciding that she wasn't behaving oddly with just him, he walked back out of his office and placed himself behind the bar. He tried to catch Jess's eye, but she seemed to be unseeingly staring off into space with an artificial smile on her face, deep in thought.

…

Jess had tuned out the guys after a series of questions about how if they'd known that Nick was all it would take to get her out of the house, they'd've done a long time ago. Cece tried to jump to her defence, but then they dismissed it as a joke, expressing how glad they were that she was finally hanging out with them again. As they talked, Jess's mind went to the walk she'd had with Nick.

The first and foremost question she'd had was why he'd lied about the keys. She'd seen him pocket the keys as they left the house, so why had he lied? She started to wish she'd called him out on it instead of letting her curiosity (and more, but she wouldn't admit that of course) get the better of her.

_Why do I do this to myself?_

She felt her face strain as she tried not to let it contort into a grimace.

_"Well, she was the wrong person to do that for, wasn't she?"_

What had he even meant by that? It could be as simple as he was waiting for the right person to come along, but that look he'd given her. She couldn't get that expression out of his head; a slight wistfulness in his voice despite the smile plastered on his face. She had seen him wear that expression before.

_"Yeah, I'm an idiot."_

All those years ago, as she walked back to her bedroom with Sam in just her bra and tutu, he'd said that in the lowest of voices. She hadn't missed the wistfulness in his voice, and she remembered the slight increase in her heartbeat as she'd stared at him when Sam put his arm around her shoulders.

It was the night that'd changed everything.

Gulping, she shook her head slightly, telling herself that she was probably imagining it. That train had passed; he'd moved on. He'd jumped on another train while she was still sitting desolately in the same goddamn abandoned railway station he'd left her in two years ago.

But then there was also the way he'd gingerly caught her wrist, tugging gently as they'd begun to walk again. Her hand absently went to her wrist, lightly brushing it, her mind refusing to back off from her train of thought, though she tried to admonish it for dwelling so much on merely a walk.

 _"And_  not _the stupid kind you heard last time."_

Was he trying to tell her something?

_Of course not, he had two years to tell you. He didn't, so why would he now?_

She nodded her head, agreeing with herself, glad that this conversation she was having with herself was over. But stubbornness was a quality she shared with herself, as was evident when her mind lingered over the moment before they'd entered the bar.

_I couldn't possibly have imagined that._

She was so sure that  _something_ had happened. The way his fingers brushed against hers, lingering there for more than a few seconds.

_What is he doing!_

Of course, this had been a bad idea! She should've riled him up in the loft like she always did so that he would've stormed out of the loft without insisting on her company. Or she could've pretended to be sick, or something. She started to feel angrier and angrier at herself; she'd made that dumb list for a  _reason._ It was so that she would be occupied and wouldn't get herself into mind twists like this one that would drain her. It was supposed to keep her engaged enough to not make any conversation with him that would put her in a spot like this. The universe was playing tricks on her now and it made her really mad.

When she looked up, she saw Nick watching her, and felt another surge of anger. She knew it was probably misdirected, but it angered her that a walk with him could do this to her. Irritable, she looked away from him.

Draining her glass of pink wine, she thumped her glass on the table. The sound caused her friends' conversation to come to a halt and silence fell over the booth as they all looked at her. They all looked at her questioningly, and she huffed, "I need another drink."

With that, she stood up stiffly and started to walk towards the bar.

Cece watched her go and could see the telltale signs of her anger. She wondered if something had happened on her way here. Not only had she come to the bar for the first time in weeks, she'd come with  _Nick._ Had he said something to her? Her gaze flickered to Nick, who looked unabashedly at Jess as she walked up to him, and Cece heard Schmidt mutter, "Oh, this is not going to be good."

She turned to look at him questioningly. "Oh come one, Cecelia. Those two came here together. Jess has been quiet ever since and Nick's been ogling her ever since they were here.  _Something_ was bound to happen," he explained, and he looked towards the bar again before saying, "And it won't be anything good."

…

Nick said nothing as Jess placed her empty glass on the bar without a word, taking a seat on a bar stool. He quietly brought the bottle of Sancerre and refilled her glass. She stood there for a few minutes, staring at the glass in her hands.

Nick saw that her cheeks were turning red; not all the way up to her ears like they did when she was embarrassed or nervous, and not all the way down her neck like when she was shy. Only her cheeks were reddening, not even the tip of her nose which usually meant she was about to cry. As he laughed at himself for actually categorising Jess's reddening of cheeks, he realised with a start that she was  _angry._

He watched her quietly, waiting for her to say something, but she didn't. She was frowning at her glass, before inhaling deeply and downing it in one go. She placed the glass on the bar again, a tight smile on her lips. Eyes wide in surprise, he wordlessly refilled it and watched with mild concern and amusement as she drained that glass as well, finishing it with a wince.

She put the glass back on the bar, waiting. He didn't fill it this time, the question clearly etched on his face. Rolling her eyes, she replied, "I'm  _fine,_ Nicholas."

"You've had three of these in twenty minutes," he said pointedly.

"I can count, Nicholas, thank you very much," she said, impatiently tapping her glass.

Shaking his head, he started to pour another drink when Cece appeared behind Jess, shaking her head at Nick subtly, so he would stop pouring. She caught Jess's upper arm and said, "Jess, can I talk to you for a second?"

Jess turned around and exclaimed. "Cece! Yes, but let me get my drink."

"Jess, three is plenty."

Jess frowned. "Why does everyone think I can't count? I can count, Cece."

Cece rolled her eyes. "Jess, you have things to do tomorrow, remember?"

Her eyes widened in response. "Things! Yes, things. I've got things to do tomorrow!"

"And you," she said, turning to Nick, and said, "I won't let you trick me into coming here again. I have things to do," she said again.

"Trick you? I didn't  _trick_ you," said Nick incredulously.

"So if I reached into your pocket, I won't find your car keys?" she asked, wiggling her brows.

Nick's face turned red. "Erm, ye- no. No, no. No you won't."

Jess narrowed her eyes and in one quick movement, she reached across the bar and grabbed Nick's shirt. When he tried to back away, she pulled him closer and reached into his pocket. Nick froze, trying not to grunt in frustration as he felt her fingers move around in his pocket, grazing his thigh and too close to where he'd rather not have her be (given that state of his mind). She pulled away at last, having grabbed those keys and shaking them in his face.

"Liar!" she exclaimed triumphantly, as Cece couldn't stop chuckling at his obvious discomfort. "Why'd you lie to me, liar?"

Nick sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, I just wanted to spend some time with my friend. I missed you, Jess!"

She stopped smiling and withdrew immediately, staring. "You missed me?"

"Yeah, and you would've known if you were at home. And  _talked_ to me."

She shook her head multiple times, before looking at him again. "I'm sorry, I've been quite busy."

"I've noticed," he said bitterly. "At least on weekends, Jess. Come on! I really  _do_ want to spend some time. We haven't spoken in two months!"

"Yeah? And whose fault is  _that_?" she spat. She knew she'd regret the bitter backlash in the morning, but right now, she couldn't help but feel angry.

First, he just leaves out of the blue and does not bother calling her or even texting her. Now he decides to  _come_ back, again  _completely_ out of the blue, says the weirdest things that throw her off completely.  _And_  he is upset that she's not spending time with him! He couldn't just pop in and out of her life whenever he wanted and just  _expect_ her to be there, pretending like it wasn't affecting her. Because it did. To the point where it ached a little bit. But he'd left.

 _He_ left.

He left.

She looked at him, trying not to feel too guilty about the stricken look on his face. She felt Cece place a calming hand on her shoulder and drew a staggering breath. "I'm going home. I have things to do tomorrow," she muttered before turning to leave.


	6. Stick Figures

"I'm going home," she muttered. "I have things to do tomorrow."

A retort was almost out of his mouth, but he caught himself. Taken aback at her outburst, he watched mutely as she slowly made her way out of the door.

"She's drunk," he said, turning to look at Cece, but she was already hurrying behind Jess.

Confused and somewhat hurt, Nick shook his head thinking of the anger on her face. Was she  _that_ upset that he hadn't been in touch through those weeks? He'd refrained from contact only because he was himself confused and busy and….  _that was no excuse._

Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair and started to wipe the bar in an effort at distraction.

…

Their car ride back home had been a quiet one, with Jess staring outside unblinkingly. Cece had thrown her furtive glances but said nothing, knowing Jess would talk when she was ready to.

Now Jess stormed into her room, followed by a worried Cece.

Jess went straight to her closet and threw the doors open. She glared at the list for a few seconds before ripping the whole sheet off in band-aid jerk motion. She clutched the long sheet of paper and headed to the drawers in her room, rummaging through them angrily, as the paper rustled behind her.

"Jess…" Cece said hesitantly. "What're you doing?"

"I need to make a new and improved list that takes into account his fudging existence!" she muttered, pulling out a bunch of markers from her drawers, followed by blank papers. Trudging to her desk, she sat down, throwing the papers on to the table.

She pulled the cap off the red marker and smoothing the fresh sheet of paper in from her, aggressively started to scribble. Cece quietly peered over Jess's shoulder and raised on eyebrow as she read what Jess was writing.

"Get the fudge over him," she read and shook her head. "Really, Jess?"

Jess frowned at the letters. "No, you're right. It needs to be better than that."

She leaned in again and struck of the 'fudge' in one neat line and scribbled something on the top. "That's better."

"Get the  _fuck_  over him?"

Jess shrugged. "Looks like I need to be reminded of that quite often. So if it's somewhere I see it regularly then I'll be more driven."

As Cece watched, Jess drew two stick figures at the top left corner and circled them.

"What's that?" asked Cece warily.

"That's Nick and I. Walking," replied Jess, but didn't elaborate further.

Cece sat back on the bed and Jess began to write on the new sheet, glancing at the old list every once in a while as if she was comparing notes. After watching for a few moments, Cece sighed and walked up to Jess again, and knelt next to her. She caught her furiously moving wrist and tugged at it.

"Jess. What are you doing?"

Jess turned to face Cece, staring at her lap for a few quiet moments before looking up at her. "I have to do this. I'm readjusting everything so that I don't have to come back to the loft except to sleep. I'll pack a duffle bag for change of clothes and leave it in my car and-"

" _Jess!_  That sounds insane! Babe,  _you_  sound insane!" said Cece incredulously. She stood up and started to pace. "Look, I know what you're going through, but Jess, this is not how you do it! It's not healthy! He'll want answers and how long can you-"

"Cece, I  _have_ to do this! I have to!" said Jess, her voice shaking. "Twenty minutes of walking with him and it's already driving me nuts!  _I need to remember_ that!" she emphasised, pointing at the two stick figures. "And he keeps saying such  _weird_ things and I just don't know h-"

Cece stopped, and frowned. "Weird things? What weird things? What'd he say?"

Jess threw her hands up in frustration. "I don't know, Cece. Like,  _oh she was the wrong person to get out of my comfort zone with._ What does that even mean! Why would he say…" she sighed. "Well, now that I  _say_ it out loud to you, it makes sense. It simply meant that they wouldn't have worked out…. But his face, Cece. There was something about his face and the  _way_ he said it, and- gah!" she groaned in frustration."

Cece stared Jess, at a loss for words.

But Jess continued. "And that ridiculous thing he did with his hands. I  _know_ I didn't imagine it, Cece. He was holding my wrist and he just… rubbed my fingers,  _intentionally!_ What is he doing! And he lied about the car keys?! What is his problem, Cece!?"

She took a shuddering breath. "Do you see?! Do you see how crazy I get!?" she finished, exasperatedly, rubbing her temples.

Cece said nothing. Instead, she rose on her knees and leaned forward to hug her broken bestfriend, and with a tired sigh, Jess hugged her back.

Cece finally pulled away and opened her mouth say something, but changed her mind. Then, she stood up, giving her a tired smile. "Well, I'll leave you to it then. Good night, Jess."

"Good night, Cece," said Jess, smiling as Cece left the room.

Jess turned back to her table and frowned at the piece of paper in front of her determinedly.

…

When Nick came home that night, he saw the light spilling into the hallway from under Jess's door. He wondered why she was still awake and proceeded to open her door, and was surprised to find that it was locked.

_Jess never locked her door._

Feeling uneasy, he walked back to his room, deciding against knocking. He didn't even know what to say to her; she was so angry. And Nick knew that an angry Jess was better left alone until she slept on it.

He took a long shower, standing under the stream of water to calm himself down - the confusion, the sadness and the hints of anger were beginning to exhaust him, and he wished he knew what to do. All he knew was that Jess was very upset that he'd not stayed in touch at all those two months, and well… she was right.

He decided he'd make it up to her, somehow. No matter how busy she gets, he'd try to find time.

…

After Cece had left, Jess had sat for a few minutes in silence, starting at the table while trying to work out the schedule in her head first. She'd realised at the bar today that it was unfair for her cut out the rest of her friends when they did everything they could to support her decision, despite knowing that she wasn't telling them everything.

She'd decided that she would try to figure out how she could spend time with the rest of the gang without having to be around Nick too much. She just needed to find the exact time where Nick would be off to work and the rest of them would be home. She knew almost all of their schedules by heart now, so it didn't take long for her to figure it out and when she did, she realised there was a problem - everyone spent a lot of their free time at the bar. Unless it was the weekend, which would mean Nick would be home too.

Sighing, she put her head on the table. This was so hard!

She hated the amount of control one man had over her life, but if she didn't do this, she'd hurt. Besides, after his breakup with Reagan, it wouldn't be long before Nick got someone else home. And she simply  _had_ to get other this before that happened. There was  _another_ solution of course, but that would be her last resort; moving out of a home she loved because she was in love with one of her roommates made her feel pathetic. No, she wouldn't move out unless everything else failed.

And she knew that "everything else" also included going out on dates and meeting other guys. She really didn't want to, but she had to try.

…

When Schmidt came back to the loft, he heard the shower running, and that the light in Jess's room was still on.

He stood at the doorway, contemplating if he should just march over to Nick and just  _tell_ him. Both his friends were hurting, but if he did tell Nick, Cece would kill him.  _Or worse, band sex._ As he stood there, he heard the shower turn off, and made a split-second decision.

…

After a long time, Jess slumped in her chair, satisfied. She looked at the new list and smiled, proud of herself. It was simply perfect; minimal Nick, more time (relatively) with her other friends and also minimal time spent at the loft.

"Good one, Jess," she told herself, patting herself on the back before leaning forward to tape all those sheets together to make a long trail of paper. She began to hum to herself, and did not hear the door open.

"The stick figures are a nice touch, Jess," said a quiet voice behind her.

She turned around, startled, to see Schmidt standing behind her, looking at her intently. She stood up instantly, trying to cover the list, knowing that Schmidt would know what she was upto.

"What're you doing, Jess?"

"Uh, nothing. Just some paper corrections."

Schmidt rolled his. "I know  _what_ you're doing, Jess, I meant  _what're you doing_!"

She sat back down in her chair defeatedly, knowing from Schmidt's tone that he did know exactly what she was upto.

"Did Cece tell you?"

He sat on her bed, facing her. "No," he said, before admitting that he'd been eavesdropping.

"Schmidt! How-"

Schmidt waved his hands dismissively. "Save it, Jessica. I already got an earful from Cece about that!"

She crossed her hands, annoyed, but slightly nervous that Nick's bestfriend knew. Almost as if he read her mind, Schmidt said, "Don't worry, I won't tell. Is he my bestfriend? Yes. Am I in an uncomfortable position? Very much so. But I won't tell him."

"Thanks, Schmidt," Jess said quietly, getting up from the desk to sit next to him on the bed.

"Look, Jess," started Schmidt, "I know you're hurting. And I know what that feels like. I've been there too but… don't you think you're being a little extreme?"

…

Nick turned off the shower and stepped out of it, shivering as the sudden wave of cold air hit him. He grabbed a towel of the rack and wrapped it around himself, and turned to look into the mirror. The faint shadow of a stubble was visible, and the dark circles under his eyes were a testament to sleepless nights.

After a few seconds, he left the bathroom, wondering what it was he could do to make it up to her. There were so many options, he knew that. But the key to that was to actually start spending some quality time with her. That was the only way.

_But how do I do that?_

As he walked to his room, lost in thought, he paused in the hallway when he heard Schmidt's voice coming from Jess's room.

"Look, Jess, I know you're hurting. And I know what that feels like. I've been there too but… don't you think you're being a little extreme?"

_Hurting? What had happened?_

He stepped a little closer to the door, straining to listen.

_What does Schmidt know that I don't? What're they talking about?_

"Jess, we miss you," he heard Schmidt, sincerely. "It's so weird not seeing you bake on weekends, or obsess over some craft project you need our help with. We refuse, obviously, as has been the routine…"

Nick heard Jess chuckle.

"…but we just miss having you around. And I know Cece would never tell you, but she misses her bestfriend too."

"I miss you guys too," he heard. "It' just…  _hard._ I feel like my heart's going to explode and I just… need to be away from all that for a while."

Her voice was shaking a little.

"This feels so much worse than Spencer. I don't want to feel that kind of pain. I need those distractions."

…

"This feels so much worse than Spencer. I don't want to feel that kind of pain. I need those distractions."

Schmidt simply looked at her sadly, and gave her a hug.

"I understand. But don't forget that they're  _distractions,_ Jess," he said.

"I know," Jess admitted softly, voice muffled by the hug. "I'll figure it out. And worst case scenario? I'll just move out!"

…

"This feels so much worse than Spencer. I don't want to feel that kind of pain. I need those distractions."

Nick stood frozen to the spot.

_Worse than Spencer? Is she hurting that bad? Is this over Sam?! But she seemed so… okay about that? Distractions?_

He heard more muffled sounds, and suddenly, Schmidt was yelling. "That's preposterous! Jessica Day,  _how dare you!_ "

"Shh, Schmidt, you'll wake everyone up!" Jess's frantic whispering.

"I will not have this! No, I won't. I will call a loft meeting, right away!" Schmidt continued.

_What? What had she said?! What had he missed!_

"Schmidt, it's just hypothetical! I promise it won't come to it!"

More silence.

"Fine."

"Besides, why do you even care? Aren't you and Cece looking to move out?"

"Jessica, that is but a dream. We can't afford that for a while," he said, "Anyways, I need my beauty-sleep and my gorgeous wife. And so do you. Not my wife, just the sleep," he clarified.

Nick snorted while Jess let out a silent peal of laughter.

"She's all yours, Schmidt."

"You might want to start looking for one too, Jessica," he heard Schmidt.

Nick grimaced.  _Please, no._

 _"_ All part of the plan, Schmidt," he heard Jess say in a singsong voice, followed by the rustling of paper.

"Good," said Schmidt. "Good night, Jessica."

"Good night, Schmidt."

Taking that as his cue, Nick began to back away.

"Hey, Schmidt? Thank you."

"No problem, Jess. And stick around, will you?"

Jess's laughter again.

As he heard her door click open, Nick jumped back to his room and closed the door behind him as his mind went over the tidbits he had heard, trying to decipher what they could possibly mean.

When Schmidt stepped out of Jess's room, he noticed that Nick's door was closed and the light was still on. He heard the all too familiar sound of shuffling feet, which meant that his best friend was pacing his room. He hoped that Nick had heard some parts of his conversation with Jess, like he was meant to; frankly, Schmidt had timed it perfectly. With that thought, he tiredly dragged himself to his bedroom, already dreaming of being his wife's arms.


	7. The Upgrade

Nick woke up the next morning to find that Jess was gone. This was odd because her crazy schedule only started after breakfast. He walked into the kitchen where Schmidt was serving Cece, Winston and Aly pancakes.

"Mornin' guys," he said through a yawn as he took a chair at the island.

"How many would you like, Nicholas?"

"Just two, thanks Schmidt," said Nick, rubbing his eyes. "Where's Jess?"

"Power yoga," said Cece, rolling her eyes.

"Wow," said Nick, shaking his head. "Getting real obsessed with her health, huh."

Schmidt nodded vigorously. "Uh-huh. Health, sure. Very, very important."

Nick sat at the table, looking drowsy when Schmidt handed him a plate of pancakes. Nick dug into them gratefully, unaware of Schmidt's tight gaze on him. Finally, Schmidt cleared his throat and turned to Cece.

"Cecelia, what time is Jess going to be back?" he asked, throwing a glance at Nick, satisfied when Nick frowned at his plate, listening.

"She won't be. Not at least till late night from what I know," shrugging, Cece said nonchalantly.

"What! She's doing power yoga  _all_ day!?" exclaimed Nick, looking incredulous.

"God, no, Nick!" said Cece, rolling her eyes. "Power yoga, among  _other_ things!"

"It's the summer holidays for god's sake! What could she possibly be doing?!"

"Why don't you ask her yourself, Nicholas!" said Schmidt, cutting Cece off.

Nick huffed, but said nothing.

…

A few days later, Nick was at the bar, cleaning up some spilled wine absent-mindedly. His thoughts were with Jess, as they almost always were these days. After a few minutes of thinking, he finally stopped and leaned against the bar with both his hands against it for support.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. All he wanted was to spend some time with her. It'd been two weeks since he'd come back from New Orleans, and nothing was going according to plan. If it was, he would've spent two solid weeks with her, laughing around and joking. Reconnecting.

By now, he'd thought he'd be worrying about working up the courage to ask her to give their relationship another shot. Instead, here he was, frustrated at how little time he was spending with her.

And apparently, there were some things he didn't know about; made evident because he kept playing the conversation he'd overheard between Jess and Schmidt the other night.

_I know you're hurting._

_I feel like my heart's going to explode.  
_

_This feels so much worse than Spencer._

He was filled with both concern and curiousity.

_What was she talking about?_

_Who was she talking about!?_

There were times he just wanted to grab her as she left in the mornings, drag her to his bedroom and just…  _talk to her._

_Why was she hurting?_

_What had happened!?_

He hadn't even gotten to talk to her about what she'd said at the bar the other night; let her know that he really was sorry that he had cut her off and try to explain why he had done that. He hadn't been able to get her anguished yet angry look out of his head when she'd yelled at him.

_"And who's fault is that!?"_

But she'd made herself scarcer than she'd been before. He hadn't seen her much lately, except for the quick goodbyes - in the mornings, when she was leaving, in the evenings, when  _he_  was. It was almost like the cosmos was keeping them apart, because he always barely missed her by mere seconds.

So when he was about to leave for work in the afternoon that weekend, he was surprised to see Jess sitting on the couch and casually flipping through a magazine. She was never home during the day; at least not when she didn't have other plans, which she probably didn't because no one else was home and she was in her pyjamas.

_In the middle of the day._

"Jess!"

She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "Hey."

He walked towards the couch, and resting his arms on the back, he quirked a brow at her. "What're you doing here?"

Jess let out an airy laugh. "Wow, Miller. I know I've been busy and haven't been around, but I didn't think it'd mean you'd forget I lived here."

Nick chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, I just… Work's come up this afternoon."

She nodded. "I know."

"You know?" he asked, frowning.

"I mean, Schmidt mentioned it to me last night," she explained with a shrug.

"Oh," he said, cocking his head to one side. "I wish I didn't, though," he added. "You're home for a change, and we could've hung out. Caught up, or something…. I mean… it's been a while."

"Worry not, sir," said Jess, "There's nothing happening in my life for you to catch up on."

_Yeah, right._

"Mine neither," he assured her quickly.

Both fell silent for a few seconds, pondering over how weird the conversation had gotten. Unable to take the awkwardness that was starting to fill the air, Jess, in one of her weird accents, said, "Nothing to catch up on, nothing to regret, eh matey?"

"Right," he said shuffling his feet, before starting to back away towards the door. "Well, see you around, Jess."

Jess gave him a salute, shooting him a lopsided grin.

Halfway through the door, Nick stopped and sighed.

_Screw the explanation._

He looked over his shoulder and knew she'd been staring when he saw her suddenly look away. "Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?" She looked up at him again.

"I'm really sorry I didn't stay in touch while I was away," he said sincerely.

"I know," she said, giving him saddest of smiles.

_Did she really?_

But he simply nodded once and headed to work.

…

A couple of days later, Nick couldn't help but wonder if she was avoiding him. She seemed to be having time for everyone else on the damned planet except for him. She'd gone for brunches with Cece, even to the movies with Schmidt on one occasion.  _Schmidt._ And if he hadn't heard wrong, she was helping Winston plan a proposal for Aly. And she seemed to be coming to the bar on busy nights.

But what reason could she possibly have to avoid him? Unless  _she knew._ He started to get nervous at the thought, but realised that that was very unlikely though given how he hadn't confided in a soul about it; he'd wanted Jess to be the first to know. Besides, he wasn't sure how he would handle the 'everybody knew about it except for her' situation. He couldn't have Jess finding out through someone else, which was bound to happen; Schmidt would easily break and tell Cece, who would definitely not keep something that big from her best friend.

But when he saw his friends wave at him as they entered the bar, minus Jess of course, he wondered if he was reading too much into it. None of his friends seem to have noticed that she was behaving oddly. They hadn't told him if they had.

Maybe she was just genuinely quite busy and it was a mere coincidence that she only seemed free when  _he_  was busy.

…

Jess came back to an empty loft. She dragged herself to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, her eyes going over the notes on the fridge. One of them told her that everyone had gone to the bar, and she should drop by if she could.

_Like hell I will._

She slumped onto the stool at the kitchen island, chugging more water, when her phone beeped.

_Busy night at the bar today._

Jess groaned. That was a good enough reason, but she was just so, so tired. Resting her head against the cold granite of the island, she replied to Cece.

_Not today, Cece. I'm really tired. I'm going to bed._

She put her phone on silent and stayed that way, breathing evenly. After a few minutes, she got up and slowly walked to the bathroom, every part of her yearning for the comfort of the hot water. She wished a bathtub would miraculously appear in the bathroom. She undressed and stepped into the shower, turning her face towards the water, eyes closed. Seconds later, she was sitting on the floor of the shower, back resting against the cool tiles and the hot water raining down her front.

After what felt like hours, she picked herself up and stepped out of the shower. The sudden loss of contact from hot water making her shiver. She wrapped a towel around herself and despite the cold, took small steps towards her bedroom because she couldn't bring herself to hurry up. When she finally closed the door behind her, she let out a breath of relief, soaking in the familiar comfort of her own bedroom. Taking a pen from her desk, she trudged to her closet and stared at the list. She struck 4 things off the list, and smiled exhaustedly, proud of herself. Two more weeks and she'd be back at school and everything would become much easier.

She wore her pyjamas slowly and walked towards the bed, collapsing in a bundle on it. Without bothering to pull the sheets over her, she fell into a deep slumber as every sore muscle in her body lulled her into a much needed sleep.

…

Cece had been worried at Jess's text. It was too early for Jess to go to bed, and it only confirmed her fear of Jess overworking herself. When everyone returned home after a late night, Cece walked to Jess's room to see that she'd curled up on edge of her bed without covering herself. Sighing, she walked towards the bed and gently tugged at the covers under Jess till they were free and pulled them over her.

She stared at her friend for a few seconds before turning around to see Schmidt standing in the doorway, concern etched on his face.

"She's overworking herself," Cece stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Yeah, no kidding," said Schmidt softly, entering the room and walking towards the closet to examine the list.

"Schmidt!" Cece warned.

He paid no heed to her, stating that he'd spoken to Jess about it. "I know of her er,  _predicament_."

After looking at the list, he turned to Cece, shaking his head. "This is not healthy, Cecelia. Have you seen the schedule? Where does she even get the time to eat?!" he said, flustered.

"We should do something for her. To take her mind off of things."

Cece frowned and turned around to see Winston standing at the door. Winston merely shrugged as Cece and Schmidt exchanged questioning glances.

"Look, I don't know exactly what's going on, but I think I have a fairly good idea," said Winston, adding in a smug tone, "I am, after all, a cop."

Cece gestured to them to take the discussion outside. The three of them walked out and Cece closed the door behind her softly.

"What do you know, Winston?" asked Schmidt, eyes narrowed.

"Nick."

Cece sighed. "How does everyone know!?"

"Cece, it's kind of obvious," said Winston pointedly. "Yeah she's been nuts since the start of summer. But she's gotten crazier after Nick came back. And I don't know if either of you noticed, but she has "free time" only when Nick doesn't."

"Well, when you put it that way…" said Cece, shrugging. "I'm surprised Nick hasn't figured it out yet."

"Because he's the dumbest boy in school, that's why," Schmidt muttered.

Chuckling, Cece turned to Winston. "So what'd you suggest we do?"

"Something simple. Like a picnic or something at…."

"… the beach?" finished Cece, grinning.

"Exactly!" exclaimed Winston, and the two did a weird handshake thing that reminded Schmidt of his middle school days.

"Wait, what is happening with you two right now?" he asked, eyes narrowed at both of them, shooting glances back and forth between them.

Cece shrugged, while Winston cackled amusedly.

"I'm not a fan of this dynamic," Schmidt muttered, but not too seriously, while shaking his head in mock disapproval.

…

When Nick came back home late at night, he hovered outside Jess's door for a few moments. The soft snoring from inside was indicative of her deep sleep. She really must be tired. He'd thought he could just steal a few moments at night, but it didn't look like that could happen. He stood there wondering as to how to resolve this issue.

He loved that woman for god's sake. He  _had_ to find a way. It was starting to feel like an expanding void in him when he wasn't around her for this long. All he really wanted to do was be with her; it was fine even if they didn't talk. He just wanted to bask in the warmth that came with her presence; a warmth that made him feel light-headed and relaxed.

And just like that, his mind was made up. He had plenty of time on his hands, and Jess didn't. Her schedule was too tight? No problem. She wouldn't have to adjust anything if he could squeeze himself into  _her_ schedule.


	8. To Nick or Not to Nick

"Hey Jess, where're ya off to?!" called Nick from the couch one morning as Jess left the house.

"Carpentry!" she called before closing the door behind her.

…

Jess was well aware of the fact that she was overworking herself. But she had to go on till school reopened again after the summer. She was doing so well and hadn't thought about Nick in a while. True, she had been too tired to think about pretty much anything, but at least that meant no more pining. She hated pining; it hurt too much, and messed with her head.

As she drove to where the carpentry classes were, she felt like she could actually maybe hold a conversation with Nick without turning into a puddle of goo. Or set her mind on a self-destructive mode.

Pleased with herself, she slowed down her pace a little bit as she felt her legs starting to cramp.

_Not bad, Jessica Day!_

…

"So when are we going to the beach?" asked Cece as she cleaned some glasses, looking at Schmidt who had just taken a seat at the bar.

"Well, Cecelia, as I was trying to plan something, I came across a small… er, complication."

Cece set the glass and looked at him questioningly. "What? It's just the beach, Schmidt. I know you probably have something elaborate planned, but-"

"No, no," cut in Schmidt, muttering about how though he'd like that very much, he unfortunately has to lower his standards to Jess's taste because  _she's_ the one who needed cheering. "I'll have you know that the issue stems from very basic common sense."

Cece raised her brows. "Honey, I'm still waiting to hear it."

"So we know that Jess needs a break from her ridiculously tight schedule. We also know that the ridiculously right schedule exists because of Nick," and after pausing for effect, he continued, "So if we were to throw her a cheer-up-and-for-god's-sake-relax-a-little picnic, then Nick can't be there."

Realization crossed Cece's face. "Oh. Right, that  _is_ a complication. We can't plan a picnic for  _all_ of us except for Nick."

"Well, technically we can," said Schmidt shrugging. "But explaining why  _he_ is not invited will be a problem."

"Do we need to give him an explanation?" asked Cece jokingly.

Schmidt rolled his eyes. "Your love for your best friend has blinded you, Cecelia. Don't forget, this isn't really Nick's fault. The boy's just dumb as a bell sometimes and-"

Laughing, Cece leaned forward and interrupted him with a kiss. "I know, I know. I was just joking."

Schmidt smiled at her and kissed her cheek, before frowning. "I still don't know what to do."

"We'll figure something out."

…

Nick Miller wasn't stupid. He knew something was going on. He had seen his friends huddling and exchange silent, but intense conversations. Cece seemed to be disagreeing with something most of the time, expressed through the classic eye-roll of course, while Schmidt was getting worked up over something; Winston was clearly indecisive about whatever was going. All of them fell silent when he approached them and had stupidly fake smiles plastered on their faces.

It made Nick wonder what it could be about. Maybe they had noticed Jess's behaviour at last? If so, why would they hide it from him?

Were they planning something? If so, why would they hide it from him?

_Why would they hide anything from him?_

He found himself wondering this quite often, curiosity almost always taking over but also a gentle concern. Was something happening that he  _shouldn't_ be knowing about? And if so… he was all the more curious.

But right now, he had bigger things he needed to focus on. More important things. Like a certain busy-bee roommate.

He had a plan, of course, though he knew it was bound to piss her off a little. But hey, as long as he got to spend some time with her.

…

"And where are  _you_  off to in such a hurry?" asked Nick amusedly as he left for work one evening.

"Crocheting. I'm late," she said hurriedly as she rushed past Nick and out of the house.

…

"I suppose just the two of you could go," said Winston to Cece thoughtfully.

"I'm sure we could, but I'm also sure she'd like it if all of us went," shrugged Cece. "I know she misses hanging out with all of us."

"Well, she wouldn't if she just did things like  _normal_ people," muttered Schmidt, sliding into the booth.

"Are you guys sure that leaving Nick out of this is a good idea?" chimed in Aly, looking at all of them pointedly. Aly spent a lot of time at the bar, and was an honorary member of the gang. It hadn't taken her long to figure out what was going on. Even if it had, Winston was bound to tell her eventually.

Shooting a look towards the bar where Nick was serving a customer, Winston said, "I think it's a  _terrible_  idea. If he finds out, he'll know something's up."

"Maybe we just… ask him to tag along too?" suggested Schmidt.

Cece sighed. "Schmidt, we've talked about this-"

"I know, Cece, I just…" Schmidt trailed away shaking his head. "Look, we've established that he's the dumbest boy in school, but he misses her too. I mean come on, you all couldn't possibly miss that?" finished Schmidt, waving his hand in Nick's direction.

Then he leaned across the table and lowered his voice. "And I don't know if you've noticed, but he's been asking her where she's going  _every single morning._ "

"Yeah, I did think that was weird."

"It's almost become a ritual!" continued Schmidt. "And it's literally "Where you off to Jess" and her response and she's out of the door."

He leaned back into his seat and crossed his arms. "I'm surprised he hasn't started getting angry everyday. It's weird."

They fell silent, trying to think of what could be done, until Schmidt spoke again. "I say we take Nick with us."

"I veto that," said Cece adamantly. "I say if we're doing this for Jess, we do it the way she'd like it."

"She'd like it if Nick's there too, and you know it," scowled Schmidt.

"But Schmidt everything she is doing is so that she doesn't have to talk to him!"

"Cece,  _one evening._ That's it. Besides we'll  _all_ be there. What could possibly go wrong?"

Sighing, Cece stood up and headed back to the bar after saying, "Fine. If anything goes wrong, it's on  _you._ "

…

"Whoa, slow down, Jess," said Nick, as he emerged from his room and tried to catch her before she fell on her face as she stumbled out of hers.

" _Can't!_ I'm late for carpentry class!" she said, swatting his arms away and hurrying out of the door.

…

After annoyingly redundant questioning and some careful sleuthing, Nick's plan was ready to be set in motion. He waited patiently on the couch, listening for Jess's door to open. Right on cue, he heard it open and he stood up.

Without noticing him, she started walking towards the door after grabbing her coat and keys.

"Hey, Jess?"

She stopped at the door, hand on the knob, and looked at him questioningly. Nick cleared his throat and continued. "So where're you going?"

Jess narrowed her eyes. "Nick no matter how many times you ask me that question, the answer is not going to change! I'm going to carpentry class. Like every morning."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure that you were still going because I- I just…"

Jess crossed her arms and looked at him curiously. "You wanted to make  _sure?_ Why?"

Taking a deep breath, he looked at her and shrugged. "I wanted to join too."

Her mouth fell open. "What?! Why? You're already good with fixing stuff and-"

Nick cut her off. "Yeah, that's more… makeshift style, ya know? I want to fix stuff for  _real_."

_Wow. Did that even make sense?_

She looked at him disbelievingly. "You're coming to this realisation after 5 years?!"

"Better late than never," he said nonchalantly.

Jess held her hands up. "Alright, fine. I'll give you Vera's number and you can just-"

Nick proceeded to the grab his coat and as she watched him with wide-eyes. "I thought since you're going down there now, I'll just tag along."

"S-sure," she said, quite taken aback by the unprecedented turn of events.

Nick grinned and leaning over her, opened the door. "Shall we?"

"Of course," she said, flustered, as she walked out, the tiniest of frowns on her face.

"We can both take turns in driving each other there. I'll do it one day, and you do it the next," said Nick as he reached the elevator. "Save some fuel money, am I right?"

Jess found herself nodding in agreement.

_Everyday?_


	9. Carpentry

Vera had been terribly excited to meet Nick, and delighted that Jess had brought someone new to the class. Then, she'd announced that the class needed to work in pairs.

"Jessica, why don't you pair up with your roommate here? He's knew and you already know each other!" she'd said.

Nick liked Vera very much, he decided with a grin.

"Sure," Jess had nodded.

They headed to a long table in one corner of the room, and stood on opposite sides. On the table, sat two planks of ply wood and some machinery that he thought looked familiar. He didn't know the names, but he was sure that he'd be able to work most of them. As he examined the table in front of him, he heard Vera call for everyone's attention.

"Alright, class!" She clapped her hands. "We'll start building a dresser today. We should take around 5 classes to finish it!"

_A dresser?_

Nick smiled, pleased at the memory. He  _really_ liked Vera.

A small cheer later, Vera was passing around blueprints to everyone and giving them some instructions, that Nick didn't bother listening to. He found himself staring quite often at Jess. It amused him that he could just watch her listening to Vera, her eyebrows knit in concentration. Finally, after Vera was done talking, Jess turned to look at Nick and raised her eyebrows.

"Were you checking me out, Miller?" she joked.

"Maybe," he said, nonchalantly.

Jess widened her eyes and opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it. Shaking her head, she tapped the blueprint and said, "Let's get to work."

"Right," he said, rubbing his hands in anticipation. He took his grey hoodie off and walked over to Jess's side and pored over the table. He pretended not to notice that Jess had very subtly taken a small step away from him.

"First, we saw the ply," said Jess.

"Yes, ma'am," said Nick and looked around for a saw.

"One sec," said Jess and walked to a wall that was lined with tools. She picked up the saw and headed back to him with a grin and handed it to him. "You cut up this plank and-"

Jess was interrupted by a growl from her stomach. She looked up at Nick apologetically, but Nick only said, "You skipped breakfast again."

She simply shrugged and continued. "You cut up this plank and I'll take the other one."

Nick nodded and got to work, aware that Jess had been skipping a lot of meals lately. She'd hardly eaten breakfast and when Nick returned, the leftovers in the fridge were proof that she'd not been having her dinner either.

Jess watched him quietly, eyes slightly wide as she watched his arms flex with every movement. She scratched her neck and tried staring at the floor but the sweat trickling down his neck and the bulging veins made difficult to take her eyes off him.

_Wow, this was not a good idea._

She gulped as he wiped the sweat of his brows and turned the plank to saw it further.

"Ugh, Nick,  _Nick_ ," she groaned. "Stop."

Startled, Nick looked up to see that Jess's face had turned red and her neck was glistening with sweat. Her eyes were on the floor, and her fingers were playing with her hair.

Nick's eyebrows shot up and he began to smirk. "Jessica Day. Are you…  _turned on_?"

" _Shut up, Nick,_ " she muttered.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said, cockily, making her scowl.

"I  _am_ a woman," she said annoyedly.

"I am well aware, Jessica, I'm well aware," he said, he continued to saw the wood, not taking his eyes off her.

She huffed and crossed her arms, storming off to find another saw so she could distract herself.

_What is he doing!? Was he flirting with me?!_

_I'm probably reading too much into it._

_NO. He was flirting. Definitely flirting. BUT WHY._

_Stupid, Nick._

She wondered if she should quit, but then frowned, shaking her head. No more running.

These carpentry classes had just gotten a whole lot harder.

…

Nick drove them to the class the next morning. He observed that Jess was unusually quiet, and wondered if she'd been this way for a while now. It wasn't like he'd been able to talk to her much. Schmidt had looked at him in awe when he'd mentioned that he'd joined Jess's carpentry class, and once again, Nick felt like he was missing something because Cece had scowled at him and Schmidt had simply laughed it off. But Nick could tell it wasn't just a joke because as soon as their conversation was over, Cece had hurried off to Jess's room and he'd hear frantic whispers on his way to the shower.

Nick audibly sighed, starting to feel a little frustrated.

Jess had heard, and despite everything, she still cared. She was trying to run away from that true, but when she right  _there,_ she would never be able to help the concern.

"Nick?" she said softly. "What is it?"

"I… Jess, I… I feel… like  _something's_  going on," said Nick, struggling for words. " _Something's_ going on. Did something happen while I was away?"

Jess's voice got caught her in throat. She knew exactly what he was talking about, but  _she was not ready_ for this conversation. So she said nothing and looked at him, hoping he'd continue and she was grateful that he did.

"I feel like I don't know something. Everybody else does, but I don't know. No one's telling me, Jess, and it's… worrying me," he finished, looking at her.

Jess swallowed and looked at him, her heart clenching at the vulnerability on his face. With reluctance, she put her hand on his, resting on his thigh. Then carefully choosing her words, she said, "Look, Nick, two months is a lot of time to be away. So you've probably just missed out on a few things and… I'm sure you'll, you know, be up to speed quite soon. You just need to… I don't know, just sit around and talk to us and-"

"But you're never around," he cut her off, quietly.

Jess sighed. "Nick, I'm sorry, it's just that-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know you're busy," he muttered.

"Yeah," she gulped. "Very busy."

He nodded once, staring outside the windshield as he pulled up near the carpentry classes. They walked inside in silence, greeting Vera and heading towards their workstation. As they examined the blueprint, Nick cocked his head and looked at Jess. "Hey, Jess?"

"Hmm?" she responded, gathering the planks they'd cut yesterday.

"Would you be open to make a few changes to the design?"

She looked up surprised. "Sure. What'd you have in mind?"

Nick rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and smiled lopsidedly. "The IKEA dresser."

Jess's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh… I… You…"

"I mean… Yeah, for old times' sake," he said, shrugging.

Jess started to smile. "Yeah, sure. Of course. I don't see why not."

…

Jess stood at the workstation with Vera, marking some changes on the blueprint with a pencil, in accordance to the IKEA dresser. She was hyperaware of Nick's hand resting on the small of her back as he peered over shoulder at the blueprint. His breath tickling her ear was making her head spin and his chin was slightly grazing her shoulder. At one point, Nick reached out and held Jess's hand to guide her across the page to explain something or to make a correction.

_Get your own damn pencil, Miller._

Even in her own head, the voice sounded choked. She almost laughed in derision at herself. This was just ridiculous.

Suddenly, she felt him back away from her and she felt herself relax as he thanked Vera for her help.

"You ready to go?" he asked, looking at her. When she didn't respond, he chuckled lightly and asked again. "Earth to Jessica…"

Shaking her head, she looked up at him and smiled, still feeling a little giddy. "Y-Yeah, of course."

"Okay, get over here, woman," he said, looking back at the paper.

Jess took a small step towards him, and felt the room spin a little bit.

_Oh wow. Am I actually giddy or is it the I'm-warm-and-fuzzy-with-feelings kind of giddy?_

She shook her head once, trying to clear it and felt the room come back into focus. Her head was starting to feel a little heavy and she started to feel the soreness return in her limbs.

_I should cut a few gym classes._

Leaning against the table for support, she looked at Nick tiredly. "Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah?" he said, looking up with concern at the obvious fatigue seeping into her voice.

"I'll just… grab a glass of water and be right back," she said. "Do you want some?"

"No, I'm good thanks," he said, looking concerned as he stared at her retreating back.

She'd skipped her breakfast again.

…

"Jessica, when was the last time you had a full meal?" Nick asked annoyedly as the two of them walked out of the loft.

"Yesterday, the day before? I don't know, man," Jess said, pressing the elevator button.

They stepped inside as the elevator doors open, and Nick glared at her as she proceeded to rest her forehead against the cool metal of the elevator. "Alright, when was the last time you had some sleep?"

Jess narrowed her eyes at him. "I sleep quite well, thank you, Nicholas."

Nick rolled his eyes. "The moons under your eyes indicate otherwise, Jessica," he retorted. He'd heard her over the last few nights, fabric rustling against itself as she moved restlessly in her disturbed sleep.

Jess scoffed at him and turned away without a response, but Nick continued. "And you're really pale, Jess. That's not healthy. You're overworking yourself."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "Did Cece put you up to this? Or Schmidt?"

Nick frowned. "What? No! But I sure am glad they seem to agree."

"I never said that," she muttered, walking out as the elevator door dinged open.

Nick sighed and hurried after her, promising himself that he would make sure she at least got herself a bagel. Even if it meant that she'd do it because she'd tire of his incessant nagging that he started to plan in his head.

They headed to his car quietly and Jess got in without a word. He revved the engine and turned to give her a sermon about the importance of breakfast, but sighed when he saw that Jess had her head against the window of his car, fast asleep. Nick stared at her, taking in how still she was. Too still.

 


	10. Hospital: Stolen Moments

Jess woke up in an unfamiliar bed that felt harder than usual. She could hear the sound of an alien beeping and the low hum of the air-conditioner. She felt a sharp pain in her left arm, but couldn't be bothered to turn her head to check what had happened. Every muscle in her body was hurting anyway and all she wanted was to slip back into the ridiculously comatose sleep she'd just been in. She kept her eyes closed and tried to fall asleep, but failed. Frowning in annoyance, she tried to shift in the bed a little bit, hoping to find a comfortable position; something tugged at her hand again, but she ignored it.

As she lay on that uncomfortable bed trying to sleep, her mind started to wake up, much to her dismay. She began to wonder how she'd gotten there as she literally couldn't remember a thing. The last thing she remembered was deciding to take a nap in Nick's car on their way to the carpentry class.

_Carpentry class._

_Nick._

Her eyes flew open and was greeted by the evening light. Navy blue shadows danced across the walls and a machine on her side cast a dim red glow. She tried sitting up, and yelped when her hand twitched in the searing pain.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, I'm here," a familiar voice, slightly hoarse from sleep, came from her other side. "I'm right here."

"Nick?" she tried to say, but coughed instead. Her throat was too dry. As she struggled, she felt a the cold rim of a glass against her lips and she sipped the water gratefully, and fell back against the pillow. Nick took her hand in his and gently traced circular patterns with his thumb. Jess was too tired to pull away; besides, she'd been doing fine all this while, right?

She could allow herself a few stolen moments.

"Hey," she breathed, taking in Nick's tired features and tousled hair.

"Hey, Jess," he said quietly. "You gave us all quiet a scare there," he said, with nervous chuckle, slightly forced. She could hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm sorry," she said, closing her fingers around his and giving his hand an apologetic squeeze. "What happened?"

_Worried at how still Jess was, Nick cut the engine and tapped her shoulder lightly. "Jess?"_

_When she didn't respond, Nick turned fully in his seat and shook her. "Jessica?"_

_Nick inhaled deeply, trying to quell the rising panic in his chest._

She's probably just deeply asleep. That's all. Nothing to worry about.

_Shaking his head, he took her hand in one of his and squeezed gently, while the other hand continued to hold her shoulder and tried to shake her awake. Drawing deep breaths, he turned back to the windshield and honked thrice, eyes not leaving her face._

Definitely not sleeping.

_Now fully alert, Nick decided that he'd have to drive her to the hospital. He looked at her sideways, and realised driving her the way she was sitting might hurt her neck. He dug his phone out of his pocket and called Schmidt; having just shared breakfast with him, Nick knew he was the only one awake at that moment._

_"Nick," said Schmidt through a yawn, obviously still having his breakfast._

_"Schmidt, I need you to come down right now," he said urgently._

_"What, why? Nick, I swear if this is about that ridiculous-"_

_"Schmidt!" Nick cut him forcefully. "Downstairs. NOW."_

_Sensing the urgency in Nick's voice, Schmidt asked no more questions and said he'd be down in five minutes._

_While waiting for Schmidt to come downstairs, Nick got out of the car and went to Jess's side, staring at her limp form. He contemplated sitting behind her seat and just holding her head from behind to keep it from lolling to either side while on their way._

No, no. That may not be a good idea.

_Finally coming to a decision, he opened the door to the backseat, and stood impatiently, waiting for Schmidt._

_Exactly five minutes later, Schmidt was downstairs, looking questioningly at Nick. "You need to drive us to the hospital," was all Nick said as he nodded at the car._

_Schmidt's eyes followed and his eyes widened when he saw Jess. But Schmidt knew better than to question what happened yet; the nods exchanged between them meant 'save questions for later.'_

_"I need you to go inside and open the door on Jess's side."_

_Frowning, Schmidt nodded and did as Nick said, settling into the drivers' seat. He watched quietly as Nick opened Jess's door and caught her as she limply fell outward. Gingerly, Nick lifted her up and walked towards the backseat. He crouched and cradling her head carefully so it wouldn't hit the sides of the car, he lowered her into the backseat of his car. He got into the car himself then, sliding gently into the seat and holding her head up slightly, put it on his lap before sitting down comfortably._

_"Good to go?" asked Schmidt, adjusting the rearview mirror._

_"Yeah," Nick nodded, staring at Jess while gently rubbing her cheek with his thumb._

_"Cece's probably still a sleep. Leave her a voice message, will you?" said Schmidt, looking at the rearview mirror. "She's going to kill me for not waking her up in the first place," muttered Schmidt._

_Nodding, Nick pulled his phone out and left Cece a message to get to the hospital as soon as she could._

_Once they were at the hospital and Jess had been wheeled away, Nick was stuck with a nurse to answer a few questions. Then he went to join Schmidt in the waiting._

_"So what happened?" asked Schmidt._

_"I don't know, man," sighed Nick. "I was telling her she should get some breakfast or eat something and then we got in the car. She just… passed out."_

_"Hm," said Schmidt. "Well, we all knew she was overworking herself," he muttered._

_"Yeah."_

_Schmidt was a smart man. He also knew his best friend quite well, and that's why Schmidt had a feeling that Nick had been hiding something for a while now and it was quite evident right now as to what it was. Schmidt had noticed the gentleness with with his usually clumsy friend handled Jess, and the absent-minded way he'd been caressing her cheek all the way to the hospital. Schmidt really wanted to ask him, but maybe now was not the best time. Besides, he was sure that Cece would have his head if he got involved._

_So instead, he lay a hand on his restless friend's shoulder and said, "She'll be alright, man."_

_Nick only nodded in response, and Schmidt continued. "It's a shame really. We were planning to take her to the beach this the day after so she could relax. And maybe even cheer her up a little."_

_Nick raised an eyebrow. "Who is "we"?"_

_Schmidt loosened his collar, inwardly wary of where he knew this conversation was going. "Oh, no one. Just… Cece… Me… Winston… And er, Aly."_

_Nick frowned at him. "And I you didn't tell me because…?"_

_"Hey, man, we were going to tell you today but well," Schmidt gestured around the hospital with both his hands._

_Narrow his eyes at him, Nick leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, right. Schmidt, I'm not stupid. I've seen all of you whispering about_ something… God knows what.  _Jess says that it's only because I've been away for two months, but I know that's not true. I know something's up…"_

 _Schmidt shrugged but was at a loss for words._ What could he possibly say?

 _"And I know something's up with Jess," Nick added. "I heard you two the other night. This isn't just about her being_ busy  _is it? She's keeping herself busy."_

_"I'm… not at liberty to say," Schmidt muttered through gritted teeth._

_"Schmidt, come on, man!" Nick said, exasperated._

_Before Schmidt could say anything else, the doctor interrupted them. He explained that Jess had fainted because she hadn't eaten anything properly in a while, and also that she'd been pushing herself too hard. To make things worse, she'd not had enough sleep and that he'd given her medicines that would help her get some sleep. She would be knocked out cold for a few hours and would wake up around evening, and will probably be quite sore. If she were to complain about the pain, he would give her some pain killers. When she woke up, she was to have a full meal and a week of rest would probably do her some good; she would be good to go home tomorrow morning after breakfast._

_It wasn't anything that Nick and Schmidt didn't already know, so they weren't too surprised. They thanked the doctor, but neither of them were sure about picking up the conversation the doctor had interrupted._

_Half an hour later, Cece had stormed into the hospital, very worried. After Schmidt calmed her down, she was bitter towards both Nick and Schmidt for not waking her up. She told them that she'd already told Winston and that he'd be there when he was off duty._

_Nick had asked Schmidt and Cece to go back home they both had work to attend to. He would be with Jess (perks of being the manager, he explained). Cece had protested vehemently and Nick watched tiredly as Schmidt and Cece had an intense but whispered conversation. It ended with Schmidt squeezing her hand reassuringly, while she sighed in defeat._

_"Trust me, please," Schmidt had plead._

_Cece looked at Nick and gave him a sad smile. "Alright, we'll head home. Call us if you need anything, alright?"_

_"Gotcha."_

_After the two of them had left, Nick had gone to where Jess was resting. He'd stared at her through the glass door for a few moments before entering. He chuckled darkly at the thought of how much Jess would hate this dull, grey room. He sat in the chair next to her bed and took in her pallid face. She was lying on her back, her face turned towards him, lips slightly parted. He could hear every breath she was taking, almost like a sigh escaping her lips. Instinctively, he reached out cupped her face in his hands, caressing her cheek with his thumb. She sighed again and leaned into touch, making his heart flutter._

_God, he loved this woman so much._

_He removed his hand from her face and leaned back in his chair. He continued to stare at her until he fell asleep, until he was woken up by a yelp._

"Well, nothing much really. We were fighting about how you should get something to eat. Then, to prove my point, you passed out in my car. And here we are," he shrugged.

She chuckled softly, feeling a surge of affection for him as she noted the worry behind his nonchalance. "Thanks, Miller," she said, smiling at him.

He looked at her warmly, still holding on to her hand. "Anytime, Day, anytime."

With his free hand, he reached for his phone. "Well, I better call the Schmidts and let them know you're alive and kickin'."

A relieved Cece had demanded to be put on the phone with Jess, who took the phone from his apprehensively. She held it an inch from her ear, wincing as she heard Cece yell at how she was extremely irresponsible for someone who tried to mother everyone around and how she'd scared everyone, eliciting a chuckle from Nick.

"Cece, I'm fine," said Jess, amusedly.

"Says the woman lying in a hospital bed after passing out in a car," muttered Cece, and lowering her voice, continued, "And um, I'm sorry about Nick being there. I know you may not have exactly-"

"Cece," Jess interrupted, throwing Nick a nervous glance. "It's… It's fine. I'm alright."

"Babe, are you sure? I'll come down if you want," said Cece, concerned.

Nick was looking at Jess curiously as she struggled to find the right words to tell Cece without giving everything away to Nick. "N-no. It's… good. Everything's fine… here.  _I'm okay._ "

Realising that Jess might want to talk to Cece alone, he started to get up but Jess tightened her grip on his hand. "Stay," she said quietly, looking at him pleadingly as she lowered the phone from her ear.

Giving her a small, but unsure smile, he sat back down, watching as she assured Cece once more that she was fine and cut the call.

Here she was, in a hospital room because of overworking herself in an attempt to avoid the very man who was sitting here with her, holding her hand. Jess did love ironies. She'd been doing well so far, and maybe now was the time to see how much progress she had made.

She carefully turned in her bed to face him, one hand tucked under her cheek, a smile on her face. "So here we are."

"Here we are," he agreed.

"I'm not very busy," she said.

"And you won't be for a few days," said Nick firmly.

She smiled at him sheepishly. "So I've heard."

Nick relaxed into his seat, starting to trace patterns on her hand again.

"Well?" she asked.

"What?" he asked, resting his head in his had, the elbow on the arm of his chair.

"We have all the time in the world.  _Talk_ to me, Miller," she said, as if it was obvious. "Let's catch up."

Besides, she'd been stealing a few moments since she'd woken up, so no harm in stealing a few more, right?


	11. Hospital: Catching Up

"We have all the time in the world.  _Talk_ to me, Miller," she said, as if it was obvious. "Let's catch up."

Nick felt a small smile come on his face as he saw her looking at him keenly, waiting. Reluctantly letting go of Jess's hand, he stood up; he noted with a strange sense of warmth that her smile had dropped for a fleeting moment when he'd let go, before she composed herself again. He shifted his chair closer to her head, so that there was barely an inch between the bed and the chair. He sat back down, and relaxed into the chair, lightly resting his hand on the armrest.

_Would it be weird if I took her hand again? Probably._

Jess's eyes flickered to his hand resting on the armrest and she had to resist the urge to take it in her own. There were only so many moments you could steal without getting caught red-handed. Instead, she simply smiled at him. They were quiet were a few seconds before Nick let out a nervous chuckle. "I'm sorry, I just… I don't know what to say now that we're here."

"Yeah, me neither." Jess laughed. "Alright, here's an idea.  _Let's start at the very beginning…_ " she sang.

Chuckling, Nick rested his face on in his hand, elbow on the chair. "And where would that be?"

Jess frowned thoughtfully, and then at him a little unsurely. "Um, New Orleans?"

_This is a bad idea, why would you go there!?_

But Jess was testing her progress today after all, wasn't she? She waited silently as she watched a wary expression cross Nick's face. "What about New Orleans? We've er, talked about it… kind of."

"I don't know…" she shrugged. "I mean, we talked about  _Reagan…_ " she trailed away. "You know what, it's fine. It's okay if you don't… I just… You don't have to-" she laughed nervously.

"No,  _no_ ," said Nick, sitting straight and lacing his fingers in his lap. "I want to."

"Oh," she said, surprised. "Okay."

Nick breathed deeply, wondering if  _this was it._

"Well, New Orleans was… great," he said, adding with a shrug, "I er, had an epiphany… or two."

"Oh! Do tell!"

"Um, remember Pepperwood…?"

Jess laughed, and pat his arm. "Oh, how could I forget him…"

"So I finally sort of penned down a little…  _something,_ " he finished sheepishly. "The Chronicles of Zombie detective Julius Pepperwood."

She rested her hand lightly on his. "Nick, that's amazing! How far are you have you come? Did you finish it? Can I read it?"

Nick chuckled at her genuine excitement. "It's not done yet, there's still a few more chapters left."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "Well, what're you waiting for?"

Nick bit his lower lip, staring at her, trying to choose his words carefully. "Er, there's this…  _character_. So her and Pepperwood… they sort of have a  _thing_ going on. And they love each other," he said, looking at her warily.

"Mhmm?"

"But they are just fundamentally different. They don't work together. And,  _you'll_  realise when you read the  _book_ , that Pepperwood… he blew it," he said, slumping in his chair. Then, with his eyes on the floor, he muttered, "Sometimes you don't get another chance, you know, to-to fix the mistake."

When Jess said nothing, he looked up to meet her eyes. She looked thoughtful for a few seconds, before looking back at him. "Well, does Pepperwood love this woman?"

He nodded rigorously. "More than anything."

"And does she love him?"

"He sure hopes so," he said with a nervous chuckle.

"It's  _your_ book. You can decide whether or not she loves him," laughed Jess. Before Nick could say something, she continued. "Well, lets just assume that she does love him too, okay?"

"Yeah," Nick said, smiling a little. "Yeah, I like that."

"Well, if they love each other, what does it matter?  _They love each other!_ " she said excitedly.

Nick started to frown. "But… what if that's the only thing they have in common?"

" _So what_ ,  _Nick?"_ Jess laughed. "It should only matter that they love each other! Honestly…"

Nick stared at her, disbelief written all over his face, but oblivious to that, she continued excitedly.

"…People just find a way to find their way back if they _really love_  each other, you know? I mean…" she trailed away when she saw the look on his face.

He was sitting straighter, shoulders tense and arms crossed. There was the faint hit of anger, mixed with disbelief on his face.

"Nick?" said Jess, slightly confused. "What is it? Are you okay? What-Oh," she said, finally realising what she'd said. " _Oh._ "

Eyes wide, she looked at him warily, starting to worry when she saw the vein in his temple pop; a sign of agitation.

"Nick… I didn't…" she trailed away, unsure what to say, starting to feel nervous.

He stood up abruptly, running his hands through his hair.

"Nick? Where're you-"

"I need some air," he muttered, starting to head for the door.

"Nick, wait, I'm sorry, I didn't- OW!" she squeaked, trying to sit up as the tube in her left hand and tugged at her delicate wrist.

Nick huffed as turned around to check up on her. He walked back to her and gently pushed her back onto the bed. "Stay in bed, Jessica."

"No, Nick, please-" she started to plead, trying to sit up.

He pushed her back onto the pillow a little more firmly. "Get some sleep, Day," he said, staring her down until she relaxed, and just as she started to say something again, he briskly walked out of the hospital room.


	12. Hospital: Maybes

Nick closed the door behind him softly, very, very aware of Jess staring at his neck through the glass door. Running a hand down his face, he started to walk down the corridor, uncaring of where he was going. His mind kept going back to that awful day, both of their words pounding in the head like a hammer.

_"I love you... More than anything."_

He'd said it so simply because it was just  _that_  simple. He did love her; more than anything.

 _"I love you too,"_  she'd said, desperately.  _"But what if that's the only thing in common?"_

And he'd wanted to grab her by the shoulders that night and scream "So what!?" at her. But his brain was too slow to catch up with what was happening, because it was happening out of nowhere and it was happening fast. He'd gotten into his own head and wondered if maybe she needed an out; if that was what she wanted, he'd give that to her. Maybe he'd never be able to give her what she wanted and he'd make her unhappy; like his mother has been all the time. He couldn't bear to think he'd be why the light in her eyes died out. Maybe it was for the best.

_Maybe._

So many 'maybes' had gone through his head that all those mere possibilities had overpowered the one thing he'd been sure of - that he wasn't ready for it to be over; he didn't want to let her go.

_But those damned 'maybes'._

They'd simply and very quietly staged a coup while he'd watched in horror, too afraid that  _maybe_  it was for the best.

All this... while forgetting that one timid hopeful maybe that he wished had echoed in his mind over all that chaos;  _maybe_  if he'd asked her "So what!?", like every part of him had wanted to, they'd be somewhere beautiful.

Now that timid, little 'maybe', had backed away in crushing disappointment.

" _People just find a way to find their way back if they really love each other, you know?"_

Did she think his love for her hadn't been real?

It had felt real to him. Heck, it  _still did._

Did she feel that  _her_  love for him... Had not been real?

Did she really think their love hadn't been real?

He collapsed into the nearest waiting chair, propped against a dull blue wall. Dropping his head, he stared at the floor.

He honestly had nurtured the hope that they'd find their way back to each other.

What if that's the only thing in common?

The idea of that had reduced her to tears back then.

_"So what, Nick? It should only matter that they love each other!"_

He laughed bitterly. Now, she seemed to believe that that was perfectly alright; that nothing else mattered.

What had changed between then and now?

_What had changed between then and now?_

He stood up slowly, knowing that the longer he stayed away, the more it would stress her out. That was the last thing she needed. He started retracing his footsteps and when he finally reached the room, he stood outside for a few seconds before opening the door softly.

His eyes found her pale face in the dark, propped up against the pillows. She was asleep, head leaning into one shoulder. She'd clearly sat up straight, waiting for him to come back. He walked towards her slowly and slid one hand under her neck, the other around her waist, gently pulling her down to lie down flatter on the bed. He kept his eyes on the tube sliding into her wrist to ensure that it didn't twist at an angle to pain her into waking up. Before letting go of her, he lifted her head to place a pillow underneath. He was sweeping the bangs out of her face when she stirred, her eyes drawing open slowly.

"Nick?"

"I'm here."

"You take good care of me," she said sleepily, turning her face to him.

"Hey, Nick?" she muttered, her voice slightly hoarse, "I need you to know that I meant what I'd said result.  _But_  only for your  _fictional_  characters. Anything is possible in books. Love can be enough. I'm a hopeless romantic, Nick. No harm in writing into books what  _we_  couldn't have, right?" she said while yawning, a slightly dazed look on her face.

Nick was taken aback by her honesty. They'd never spoken again of what'd happened that night. It was an unsaid rule between them.

"You're really, really sleepy," he murmured.

"Aye, that I am," she said, through half-closed eyes.

He sat back down in his chair and stared at her for a few seconds, before asking her quietly, "Jess, you know what it we had was real for me right?"

He knew he shouldn't press her for answers he may not like. He knew it might hurt, but he needed her to know.  _He_ needed to know, or he wouldn't be able to ever sleep a wink.

"Of course it was real," she said, trying to keep her eyes open. "It was real for me too."

"Really?" he said, looking at the floor, struggling with words. "Because it seemed like... Like... It wasn't... That you didn't..."

"Oh, Nick," she said, cutting him off with an almost sad chuckle. She reached out to hold his hand, and as he looked up at her, she traced circles on it with her thumb. "If you only knew how much I love you," she said softly through another yawn, as her heavy eyes finally won the battle and she drifted off to sleep, leaving Nick's mind in a state of overdrive.


	13. Nanny Duty

Nick stared at Jess as she fell asleep after withdrawing her hand, resisting the urge to shake her awake and ask her what in the hell she had meant. He sat back in his chair, not taking his eyes off her face as she slept. The little bit of exhaustion that he'd been feeling had disappeared and now he was wide awake, heart beating a mile an hour. He took her hand with both of his and rested it in his lap, kneading them gently with both his thumbs the way he knew she loved, eliciting a sigh out of her. He felt his lips tug into a small smile. It was during moments like this that his love for her didn't feel like a dark secret; he wanted to shout it from rooftops. The surge of warmth made him feel lightheaded and all he wanted to do was kiss her awake and tell her that he loved her. It didn't matter if she felt the same way, at least not at moments like this, and all that mattered was that she knew how much he loved her.

He laughed at himself and watched her sleep, unable to sleep himself. Jess's words kept rising over and over again in his head, and his mind was spiralling out of control while trying to decipher what she could've meant. Every time he told himself that she'd probably meant it as a friend, he couldn't help the image of her sleepy face and sad smile as she'd tenderly held his hand.

_"Oh, Nick. If you only knew how much I love you."_

In the moonlit room, with just the two of them, he let himself think of all the possibilities and everything he wanted to give to her. He allowed himself to fantasize about the perfect marriage, children and growing old together. For some reason, it didn't hurt that much as he sat in silence and watched her.

…

He was sitting shotgun in Schmidt's car as he drove them all back home the next morning. Cece was sitting in the back with Jess, one arm around her as she rested her head on Cece's shoulder. The doctor had said that Jess was fine, but still needed a lot of rest and Cece had expressed determination in making sure Jess stayed home. Everyone had unanimously agreed that while Jess stayed home, at least one of them would be home to keep her company as well. Safe to say Jess didn't approve of course.

"Guys, I'm a grown woman! I can take care of myself! You don't have-"

"You're a grown woman who passed out in a beatdown car because you didn't eat properly.  _Or sleep_  properly," scoffed Schmidt.

"Well, that sounds like adulthood to me," she'd said defiantly and Nick found himself grinning again.

Schmidt narrowed her eyes at him. "It wasn't  _that_ funny, Nick. You look like an idiot," he said in a low voice and when Nick rolled his eyes and turned away, Schmidt smirked to himself.

Once they got home, Jess and Cece went to Jess's room, and Jess immediately collapsed on the bed with a satisfied sigh. "It's good to be home."

Cece gave her a small smile and sat down next to her on the bed. "Yeah, it's nice to know you'll be around more now."

Jess turned to face Cece with a sheepish smile. "Once school starts, it'll be great!"

Cece lay down as well, facing Jess. "I sure hope so. I've really missed."

"I tried to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Your "upgraded" list makes time for all of us except for Nick," she said, laughing. "But just so you know, I think Nick's noticed."

Jess looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Well, he's smart. But if he has, he didn't say anything," she murmured.

"Right," said Cece, and slowly asked her, "So... how was last night?"

Jess shrugged. "I... not so bad, actually. I've been making progress."

"So you're getting over him?" Cece asked, eyes wide.

"Wouldn't  _that_ be a fine day," she said, laughing softly. Shaking her head, she continued, "Not really. It just...  _hurts_ less."

Cece smiled at her sadly and took her hand in hers. "Well, I'm glad, Jess. So does that craziness stop?" she asked gesturing towards her closet.

"Let's see..." said Jess non-committally. "I mean, there's still a lot of things I need to cross off the list."

"Right," she said, turning to look at the ceiling.

"He was so soft with me, Cece," said Jess quietly.

"Huh?"

"I mean last night... You should've seen him. He was so... tender. He's a great guy," she sighed. Then she chuckled softly and looked at Cece. "His niceness turned me into such mush that I dreamed that I told him that I loved him."

Cece raised an eyebrow. "Why is that funny?"

"He cares so much for me, Cece. From what I saw last night, that's enough for me. I can't stand the thought of losing that. I can't throw that awake," Jess replied absent-mindedly. "It's funny because I'd be insane to tell him while I was awake."

...

Nick came home one afternoon, two days after Jess had come back from the hospital. Winston and Aly were both on duty, while Cece had a full day shoot.

Schmidt had messaged Nick that he'd be caught up at work and that if Nick didn't mind very much, would he please go home to take care of Jess? Nick had almost laughed at the absurdity of that question; of course, he'd love nothing more! He'd been waiting for his turn to be able to stay at home and take care of her, but it seemed like the universe had it out for him (it was actually Cece, but he didn't know that, of course) and his turn simply never came. Was there a schedule? Who was even making the damned schedule!? (Cece, obviously) How was someone  _always_ at home!? (Cece was a smart woman).

Making a mental note to thank Schmidt for this later (much, later), he dropped his keys in the bowl and headed to the kitchen for a cup of water. He opened the fridge and spotted some lasagna. Pleased, he pulled it out and after microwaving it, he was just about to eat when he decided to ask Jess if she wanted some as well. Besides, he'd love to just sit and eat with her. Every second counted because ever since that night in the hospital, he felt like he was on edge, trying to decipher what she meant. That meant he'd have to spend as much time with her and see for himself if he could gauge the meaning behind those sleep tinged words.

Because  _that_ makes so much more sense than just  _asking_ her, right?

_I really am an idiot._

Shaking his head at himself, he walked towards Jess's room and knocked. When he got no response, he opened the door slowly, giving her a chance to say something if she didn't want anyone entering.

"Jess?" he said, finally opening the door fully and peeping into her room. Her bed was empty, but he could hear her rummaging through her closet. He contemplated waiting outside, in case she was changing. So he leaned against her desk and asked, "Jess, would you like something to eat?"

"One sec," he heard her grunt from the closet and wondered what she was up to. Then he heard a sudden tumble and a yelp, followed by a loud thud and a gentle, "Ow."

He bolted towards the closet immediately, worried, and found her on the floor of the closet in a heap of clothes. She was looked at him wide-eyed and sprang to her feet, trying to usher him out of the closet.

"What were you doing?" he asked, barely moving at her weak push.

"I was looking for one of the scarves I'd knit and left halfway," she said with a shrug.

"Is it up there?" he asked pointing to the top shelves.

"It's actually on the shelf above the door," she admitted sheepishly.

"Why do you need it right now? It's  _summer_!" he said incredulously.

"I'm really, really  _bored_ , Nick," she whined. "I haven't been home in so long and now I don't know what to do. I feel restless!"

"Fine," said Nick, looking around and spotted the stool leaning against the closet door. "I'll get it for you," he said, bending towards the stool.

"Nick, no,  _wait_! The stool keeps-"

Looking at her questioningly, Nick picked up the stool and set it down.

"-the closet door from swinging shut," she finished, staring at the door in horror as darkness engulfed them.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry, Jess," came Nick's voice from the darkness, tinged with concern. He knew Jess was claustrophobic and with already such delicate health, it was bound to affect her badly. He felt around in his pockets and let out a relieved laugh when he found his phone in his pocket.

"Nick?"

"I-I found my phone, Jess," he said excitedly, trying to reach for her in the dark. He finally caught her hand and heard her sharp breathe sharply. "Well, these darned things are useful after all," he said grinning, as he turned it on and a dim blue light lit up the darkness, as well as her frantic looking face.

"So... how do we... you know?" he asked, pointing at the closet door behind him.

"It can only be opened from the outside," she muttered, eyes still fixed on him.

"Oh. Schmidt won't be home for a while," he said, looking at his phone and frowning at the no-network signal. "How on earth do I not have signal in here!? We're  _in_ the loft, right?!"

Jess laughed weakly.

"These darned things are useless after all," he said annoyed. He finally looked at her and shot her an unsure grin. "Well, it's just us for a while."

Then he proceeded to sit on the floor of the closet, tugging at her hand so she joined him on the floor.

"Yep, just us for a while," said Jess nervously.

 _In the freaking dark,_  she thought.

 _In her closet,_ thought Nick, as he started to feel his nerves fray.


	14. Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @MillerDay2162 for the beta-read!

"Yep, just us for a while," said Jess nervously.

 _In the freaking dark,_ she thought.

 _In her closet_ , thought Nick, as he started to feel his nerves fray.

Sitting in her closet, which was filled with her things, he was assaulted by her scent. The entire closet smelled of her, and it did funny things to his brain. He watched her quietly as she scooted back to lean against her shelves. She looked flustered and Nick worried that her claustrophobia would kick in. He would, of course, hold her in that comforting way he was so familiar with, but that would probably make his heart skip out of his chest.

Jess leaned against one of the shelves, sitting across from Nick. His gaze hadn't left hers for quite a few seconds now, and it made her squirm. She was feeling scared, and the beginnings of claustrophobia starting to seep into her, but her mind too worried about something else to focus on her fear. In her mind's eye, she could see that list stuck on the door to Nick's right. She was thankful for the dim light coming from Nick's phone because if there had been more light, he would've seen it right away given how she'd used ridiculously bright colours to draw it up. Notwithstanding the colours, there was also the  _length_ of the sheet itself; it started a little above the middle of the door, all the way to the bottom. She remembered how one-third of the list's items were struck off and felt a sense of pride.

"Whatcha smilin' at?" asked Nick, tilting his head at her curiously.

Still smiling with pride, she looked at him and shook her head. "Er, nothing? I just... remembered a silly thing that happened at the baking class," she lied.

" _Baking_ class?" asked Nick incredulously. "Why'd you need baking classes? You bake like... You bake like there's  _heaven_ in those damned cakes and muffins!"

Feeling warmth creep into her neck at his compliment, she laughed breathily. "Well, Nick, I'll have you know there's more to baking than cakes and muffins. That's amateur stuff."

"Amateur?" snorted Nick. "If you're an  _amateur_ , what would that make  _me_?"

"Never too late to learn," she grinned.

"No thanks," he said, grinning back at her. "I'm quite happy eating what you bake."

Jess gave him small smile, relaxing against the shelf she was leaning on. "Still, you gotta learn  _sometime_."

"No, I don't. You'll always be around," he said smoothly, before shifting a little in his position. "Right?"

"Yeah, I guess-"

"Guess?" said Nick, cocking his head. "You planning on abandoning me, Day?"

Jess stared at him in the dim light, able to make out just enough of his face to be able to tell that though he seemed like he was joking, it was a real question. She sighed softly before looking at him and giving him the smallest of smiles. "Of course, not," she said, shrugging lightly. "I'll always be around, Nick," she said, looking him dead in the eyes, almost a little sadly.

It made her heart hurt a little that she meant it. She knew that no matter what, she would always be there for him. Even if he one day moved out of the loft, which he would when the  _Right Woman_  came along. She could only hope that by the time it came to that, she'd be in a better place. When she finally looked at Nick, she found him staring at her, and for the briefest of seconds, wondered if she'd said anything out loud.

"What?" she asked, warily.

"Jess," he said meaningfully, straightening a little bit and leaning towards her seriously. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said hesitantly.

"Why haven't you been home, Jess?"

"I told you, Nick. I-"

"You've been busy,  _blah_ blah. I heard you the first time," he said dismissively. "But you don't  _have_ to be. I mean... why so suddenly? What happened?"

"I just thought I should get my life together," she said, not looking him in the eyes (he noticed).

"What about your life  _isn't_  together?" he asked suspiciously. "You're doing great at the school, and how do those random things you keep going off to help?"

Jess bit her lower lip and started playing with her hair, and Nick narrowed his eyes at her. "I can see you cooking up a lie in that head of yours," he said.

She opened her mouth to retort, but well, he wasn't  _wrong._ She  _had_ been thinking of a lie. She threw her hands up in surrender. "Okay, fine," she said. (It wasn't  _fine._ She'd just have to lie better. She'd been made aware of her tells before so she would just have to try harder.)

She crossed her arms. "Nick... I just  _had_  to... It's because... I.. I was... helping a friend... who I have a crush on. Yeah," she said, feeling a little confident. "I have this tiny crush on this... guy. So I'm doing... stuff. Stuff that he likes."

"Right," said Nick quietly. He had no doubt that she was lying. It only frustrated him more that she was lying, because that meant  _there was more._ If it was something as simple as getting her life together, she wouldn't have come up with the sorry excuse that she just had. And if it was about the crush, everyone would have known and Jess herself wouldn't have kept it a secret. There was more, and he knew it. The look of relief on her face at his seeming acceptance of her excuse was further proof of that.

As he watched her, Nick wanted to desperately ask her about what she'd said in the hospital. But a part of him was happy living in the delusion, gauging her behaviour from distance, drawing his own conclusions. Asking her would make everything too final. He was perfectly fine this way. Yes.

And frankly, the dark, filled with her intoxicating scent and her familiar silhouette outlined in front of him, wasn't making it any easier. It reminded him of the silent nights between the two of them, while they lay next to each other in silence, holding hands, in an afterglow. It reminded him of the nights he used to come home late to find her asleep on the couch, waiting for him, and carry her carefully to her bed before laying down next to her.

_Oh wow, this is not good._

He ran a hand across his face wishing somehow that his phone was bright enough to light up the closet. He leaned his head against the shelf with a sigh, looking up at the ceiling. That's when he caught sight of glass glinting on the ceiling. Frowning, he strained his eyes harder, aiming the phone towards the ceiling. He laughed in surprised as the dim light found a lightbulb on the ceiling of the closet.

 _There_ is _a god._

"Jess! How come you forgot to mention there's a lightbulb in your closet?" he asked, looking at her quizzically.

She looked up at where Nick was pointing, surprised. "Wow! I didn't  _know_ there was one!"

"I'll turn it on, hold on," he said, starting to stand up. "How the heck did you not know, Jess? You've been living here for five years now!"

Her eyes darted to the closet door.

_Oh god, no, no, no. THERE IS NO GOD, IS THERE? HE HATES ME._

"Well, I- I never really needed it," she said nervously. "Nick, it's okay, this is just fine."

"My phone's battery is low so I bet we'll need the light soon anyway," he lied.

"We'll just... sit in the dark, then," she said, staring at him, starting panic.

"Jesus, Jess!" exclaimed Nick. "Whatcha hidin' in this closet?" he joked, as he stood up laughing.

As he stood up, Nick cast the light from his phone at the walls of the closet, trying to spot the switch. He found it on the wall adjacent to the door, behind a hatbox.

"Found it!" he said, looking at Jess with a grin, missing the slightly frantic look she was giving him. As he reached out to turn it on, Jess's eyes shot to where she knew the list was. Honestly, if he found that after all the lies she'd just told him, he would probably be mad. So, so mad.

In a split second, she jumped up and reached the door just as he flicked on the light. As the closet lit up, he turned around and his breathing hitching a little to see her standing that close to him, back against the door. Their noses were almost touching. Nick swallowed slowly at the realisation that if he just lifted his hand and placed it on the left side of the face, she'd be trapped between his hand and the shelf.

She felt herself melt into the door as she felt Nick's eyes on her. Her heart was beating madly as she recognised that look in his eyes. She hadn't seen it in a while, and she wondered if she was imagining it because she'd been wanting to see it for such a long time. And then she saw his hand lift up and rest on the side of her head, and  _holy shit, she wasn't imagining it._

Almost in slow-motion, she saw him lean closer and her mind was racing: would this mean anything? Were they getting carried away with the moment? How would this end? Will she be able to look him in the face tomorrow? What would he say this? What if he said this didn't mean anything?

_Well, time to look for a new place to live in, Jessica._

Nick didn't know what came over him, really. She was just there, looking at him in  _that way_ of hers. This may or may not end well, but...  _there she was. So close to him._ As he leaned in closer to her, he could almost hear her thoughts racing, a mile a minute. He leaned in very slowly, giving her the chance to back away. She was simply staring at his lips, eyes wild but with a peculiar fear in them, he'd never really seen before. She was biting her lower lip madly and her hands were fidgeting in front of her.

When their lips were just about to brush against each other, he caught sight of two stick-figures with a circle drawn around them, on the corner of a paper stuck on the closet door behind her. The paper was peeking out from behind her, sticking out on the right-side of her head. Drawn in an angry red colour, he let out a surprise chuckle as he recognised those figures immediately - the dress and the glasses on one, and the flannel on the other made it quite clear.

"What?" she asked, nearly choking on the words because her throat was nearly dry.

"Is that us?" he asked playfully, pointing to the right of her head.

 _Oh wow. This was bad. This was so bad. Stupid red marker. I just_ had  _to overdo it with the stickfigures._

"Come on, show me what it is," he said, hand still resting against her head.

She tried to laugh. "It-It's nothing, it's just..."

"Enough with the secrets already," he said, nudging her slightly with his hand. When he felt her tense with defiance, he quirked an eyebrow. "Jessica, move, let me see it!"

"No," she said, crossing her arms, sticking her back to the door.

"What, why!? It's just a drawing!"

"Yeah, Nicholas. It's just a drawing, let it go!" she said, desperately, stomping her foot.

"No, I won't," he said defiantly. Pointing at it again, he said, "I'm  _in it._ "

"N-Not everything's about  _you,_  Nicholas," she stuttered.

He narrowed his eyes at her, fuelled further by her resistance. Both his hands dropped to her waist and he lifted her with ease, gently, pushing her aside to get a look. He almost let out a snort as he caught sight of how long the sheet of paper was before his eyes travelled back to the stick figures and then, he started  _really_ read the words.

Nick inhaled sharply, stilling in front of it.

"Nick..." she said pleadingly, voice very soft.

_Get the_ _Fuck Over Him._

"Jess?" he said slowly, realising what he was reading. "What the hell's this?"


	15. Epiphany #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Ideating Consultant For This Chapter - @Newgirlystuff.

"Jess?" he said slowly, realising what he was reading. "What the hell's this?"

Jess looked at him anxiously, staring at his profile under the light as her shoulder brushed lightly against the closet door. Her brain was moving at such speed that she couldn't form any words. His deathly stillness was scaring her.

"Some  _crush_ , huh?" he asked quietly.

Nick was a smart man, and a few seconds of processing the text, he knew exactly what he was looking at. Partly, it was thanks to Jess's meticulousness - there were dates and days, along with the timings, which he had to give to her, were perfectly set to avoid him. If he'd seen this without the stark red caption  _Get the Fuck Over Him_ , he would've first jumped to the conclusion that she was avoiding him because she just hated his company and didn't want to spend time with him anymore. Well, he wasn't wrong about the latter half anyway. She  _didn't_  want to spend the time with him, alright. But for different reasons.

If he'd known about this yesterday, he would've probably exploded with happiness. But right now, he was feeling something a little familiar, but also something that was new to him. It was that feeling you get when you're worried about something incessantly for days, but when you get to the bottom of it, you realize that you lost sleep and almost your mind, over absolutely  _nothing_ ; it was that feeling when you hear a loved one scream like their life depended on it, so you drop everything and rush to them to find out all they wanted was a glass of water, and they were simply too lazy to get up for it. He still felt happy, somewhere in the back of his mind, but  _in that moment_ , he was angry.

"How long?" he asked, still not turning to look at her.

He could see in his mind's eyes what she looked like; terrified, wide-eyed, tears on the brink of streaming down her face. But in that moment, he  _wanted_  to be angry and turning to look at her would have the exact opposite moment.

"Nick, it's not-"

" _How. Long."_

"Sam," she whispered quietly.

"Sam?" he asked, finally looking at her sideways.

"Yes," she muttered, her eyes on the floor and she was still playing with her hands. "Since he left."

Nick inhaled sharply. "The night before the wedding... That was so long ago."

"It was."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said, gritting his teeth.

"You..." she said slowly, still not able to look at his face. "You left, Nick."

"You  _let_  me leave with  _her,_ " he spat, finally turning to face her. "You  _pushed_ me to go with her, Jessica, and if I had the slightest clue I-

"I saw you dancing with her," she said quietly. "You looked  _happy._ "

Nick flinched at that. He probably had, because he sort of was. It was the sort of happiness you get when you get  _that one_ candy you've wanted for days and finally save up enough money to buy it. The candy isn't as interesting anymore when you finish it. Being at New Orleans had made him realize that he'd mistook that happiness for that feeling you get when you're loved gifts you a handmade sweater that you can wear every day, bask in its warmth whenever it got too cold and smile at it fondly when it was too hot to wear it.

"You should've told me," he stated plainly, crossing his arms.

" _When_ , Nick?" she said, looking at him, the tears finally streaming down her face. " _When could I have possibly told you_? When you were  _dancing_ with  _her?_ When you were telling me how excited and nervous you were about going away with  _her_?  _Those two_ months that you didn't even bother to drop a message or a call!?"

"How about the last couple of weeks when I've been  _right_  here?" he said coldly. "When I _kept_  asking you if everything was alright? That night when I'd asked you about Sam? That day in the car on our way to carpentry?  _Or every other day that I've been RIGHT. HERE!?"_

"I was... busy," she grumbled.

Nick slapped the closet door with his hand, frustrated, letting out a bitter laugh. " _So I see._ "

"They know, don't they?" he asked, shaking his head. "They  _all_ fucking know," he said, laughing humourlessly, as he remembered the hushed conversations, silent looks exchanged between them.

_Schmidt "forgetting" to tell him about the beach._

He suddenly felt worn out. God, if he'd known...  _if he'd just known._ Both of them would've been spared so much pain. He felt angry at his friends for not telling him. He couldn't help but think of all that frustration when Jess would leave, dismissing all his offers to just catch up and  _talk_. The worry that had consumed him when an overworked Jess had fainted in his car came rushing to him, and he shuddered.

Nick sank down on the floor of the closet, his face in his hands. Jess stood in front of him, unsure of what to say, unsure why he was  _this_ angry.

"You're a freakin' hypocrite," he muttered.

"Excuse me?!" she exclaimed, backing away a little from him.

"For someone who kept trying to get _me_  to open up, you don't do a very good job of that yourself, do you?" he said, looking at her darkly.

She sighed and sat down across him. "What was I supposed to do, Nick?" she said defeatedly. "Just  _tell_ you?"

" _Yes!_ " he said definitively.

"You don't understand," she whispered.

"Don't I?" he said, looking at her unflinchingly.

"No," she muttered. "You don't know what it's like to wake up two years after you've pushed away the person you love, only to realize that you still love them."

His heart skipped a beat at her words. The list had already been indicative of it, but when she  _said_ the words, he felt his anger fading away. Now he wanted to say those words back to her.

" _Don't I?_ " he said with more emphasis, but she didn't seem to notice, and continued.

"It hurt, Nick," she said, looking at him with pleading eyes. "It took me completely by surprise and I didn't know what to do with myself. And Cece was getting married the next day. Winston was gone and _you_  went away..."

He felt a dull ache at her words as he started to realize that she was hurting too. That she'd been hurting for weeks. He knew if he'd been in her place, if she'd gone away with Sam and he hadn't had Reagan at the time, he would've drowned himself in alcohol. Slept around in a drunken haze. And probably even lash out at her once she'd returned.

"... I was all alone, and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and-"

"Oh, please!" Nick cut her off with a snort. "It isn't like  _that's_ been going any better  _now_."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," she said, sighing softly. "But I  _had_ to do something to... to take my mind off y-" She paused midsentence.

_To take my mind off you._

That made it sound too real. She wanted this to be over, and she wished to god that one of her roommates would save her from this misery. She had to look for a new place to live, after all. There was absolutely no way she could stay in the same house as him now.

 _"...to_  keep myself focused," she finished, looking at him sadly. "And everything was going fine until you came back out of nowhere.  _Single._  And then I started to imagine things that weren't there..." she said, smiling a little embarrassedly.

"What things?"

She shrugged. "Oh, just...  _silly_ things. I kept feeling like y- I was being looked at when I wasn't watching, or touches that lingered for a few seconds too long... Reading too much into what you were saying about  _her_ and... Things like that."

"You weren't imagining that," he interrupted her quietly. When she looked at him in confusion, he repeated himself, more slowly. "All those things you said, you weren't imagining any of it. I  _did_ look at you when I thought you weren't looking, and I  _did_ er, touch you... longer than I probably should have. And... she wasn't  _you._ "

He waited patiently, seeing if she would get what he was trying to say, instead she looked incredulous.

Sighing, he leaned forward and knelt in front of her. He took both of her hands in his, ignoring her gasp followed by attempts to pull away, and looked at her carefully. "Jess, I know this... This may come as a surprise to you but I..." He grunted in frustration, before breathing deeply and closing his eyes for a second. Finally, he looked her square in the eyes. "Remember I told you I had an, er, epiphany or two in New Orleans?"

She looked at him unsurely, wondering how this was relevant. "Mhmm. Pepperwood."

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that. That's one... But there's... Epiphany number two," he said. "I never got to it because, er..."

"Yeah, I remember, I'm sorry," she said again.

Nick simply shook his head and continued. "Anyway, when I was in New Orleans, Jess, I wasn't very... happy. Reagan's life made me uncomfortable. She was too closed off."

"I know, you told me that night," she mumbled. "And I still don't get why you weren't okay with that. That's exactly what you've always wanted."

"True," he agreed. "But that was  _before_ you."

Jess frowned at him. "You keep saying that like it should mean something, but I-"

"Okay, Jess, what I say next is important. So, no more interruptions, okay?"

"Um, okay?" she said warily. She had no idea where they were going with this. This seemed so irrelevant in comparison to the panic spreading in her chest about how he knew now and the increasing sadness at the thought of never actually being able to be friends with him.

"I'm not one for feelings, Jess. Never have been. But all that meant was I wasn't one for  _talking_ about feelings. I still  _felt_ them all the same. I was more than happy to just keep it all inside. But with you... talking about feelings has always helped me be happy, Jess. Telling you felt liberating. It made me love you, so much more. The one time I didn't tell you how I felt was the day we...  _that day_..." he said.

Jess nodded in understanding, still slightly confused, slightly scared. Her heart though was beating a little faster in anticipation, but she refused to let her mind make the jump. She would just listen to him, tight-lipped, and not allow herself get into her own head. Not yet.

"...the one time I didn't tell you, everything fell apart. You were the best thing that'd ever happened to me, and you were just  _gone._  That made me realize that not talking about things would hurt everyone involved. I wasn't ready to feel that way ever again, so yes, I needed a more open relationship."

He paused, giving her a second to let it all sink in. The easy part was over.

"And when I was there... Everything I saw reminded me of you. I would see a dress and think how perfect it'd look on you. Or a vintage bag like the ones I'd thrown out of your window. I'm sorry about that. And I just... I  _had_ to see you. So I came back..."

"You came back... for  _me_?" she whispered, surprised. She pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin between both her knees, staring at him.

"Yes," he said. "But you weren't ever at home and I... never really got to sit down and talk to you. I- I wanted to do this a little differently, but I guess, here we are..."

She looked at him with bated breath, wondering if her mind was playing tricks on her. This was too good to be true.  _It had to be dream. It HAD to._

"Jess, I love you," he said simply, not taking his eyes off her. "I never stopped. I tried, I really did. But I..." he shrugged. "I love you." He breathed deeply.

_God that felt good._

Jess sat frozen in her spot, staring at him.  _Definitely a dream._ She let out a disbelieving chuckle. This could not possibly be real. Two months. It had taken her two months to get out of this daze, and she couldn't possibly slid back into that abyss. Not when she was just starting to see the light.

"Jessica Day, I love you," he said again, bringing her hands to his lips and planting a chaste kiss on them.

"Okay,  _shut up,"_ she said.

Nick frowned at her. "Jess, what the-"

She swatted his hands away from her. "Yeah, okay. Very funny. Then she looked around the closet room. Now's a good time to wake up, Jessica."

Finding himself feeling amused at her as he caught on to what she was saying, he took her hands in his again. "Jess, this isn't a dream."

"Right," she said nervously. "I'll probably wake up in the hospital," she muttered.

" _Jess!"_ he said, pulling her hands.

When she wouldn't budge, he rolled his eyes in frustration and paused to take a breath, trying to think of ways to convince her this was real.

His favourite way came to mind.

Determinedly, he leaned forward on his knees and placed each of his hands under her folded knees, tugging her forward, hard. Yelping, she slid across the floor towards him, and his hands slid down her thighs and up to her waist. Snaking his hands around her waist, he pulled her onto his lap as he sat back on his knees, her legs on either side his hips. And straining his head towards her face, hovering slightly above his, he kissed her. One hand stayed on her hip while the other moved upwards to cup her neck to gently tilt her face further into the kiss. A second later, he felt Jess relax and her arms went around his neck. One found the spot where his hairline ended at the nape of his neck, and he found himself grunting in anticipation as her thumb started to trace circles there, while her other hand went into his hair, tugging it gently, pulling him further into her.

He kissed her hungrily, biting her lower lip as she repeated his action. Their tongues found their rhythm, dancing to the same old sounds of pleasure that they were both quite familiar with. Finally, they both pulled back, breathing heavily. She slumped slightly to rest her temple against his while he flowered her neck with the softest of kisses.

Lifting her head a little to plant a kiss on his temple, and when her eyes started to tear, she didn't bother drying them this time. She hadn't felt tears of happiness for so long. She felt like she could feel her heart beating again, though she knew it was just Nick's beating into her chest. She hadn't felt this light in months, and feeling Nick gently slide back to lean against a shelf, she shifted slightly to the side to allow him to lean against the shelf. She slid off of him, to curl into his side and lay her head on his chest after planting a kiss on his collarbone.

"I love you, Nick," she whispered to him.

Keeping his hands firmly planted around her, holding her into him, he whispered into her hair. "And I love you, Jess."


	16. Schmidt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might get a little 'M' in the end. I'm not sure if that qualifies, but letting y'all know anyway...

"I love you, Nick," she whispered to him.

Keeping his hands firmly planted around her, holding her to him, he whispered into her hair. "And I love you, Jess."

They sat that way in silence for some time, revelling in the familiar feeling of being wrapped up in each other's arms. Neither of them said anything, afraid of ruining the moment. Jess had started to draw patterns on lightly on his chest, while Nick stayed still under her. Both of them felt lighter than they had in a while, and it was like a fog had lifted. Though they were still processing what had happened, both of them knew that this was real and that it was here to stay.

"Nick, I'm really sorry about everything," she said sincerely, staring at her finger that was moving in patterns on his t-shirt.

She felt him sigh into her hair and looked up at him, head still on his shoulder. "Jess, it's not your fault… I could've said something too, but I didn't."

"I didn't really _let_ you, did I?" She grinned sheepishly.

"No, you didn't," he agreed. "But there are a hundred ways I could've told you. Letters, texts…  _Emails._ "

Jess laughed softly. "I would've been mad at you if you'd texted me or emailed me."

"So, letters would've worked?" he chuckled.

Jess shrugged, turning back to tracing patterns on his chest. "I told you, I'm a hopeless romantic."

"Yeah you did," he said. "You also told me that you love me that night," he added quietly.

Jess froze. "What?"

"I mean, not directly at least," he said, one of his hands leaving her waist to hold the one dancing across his chest. "You said you wished you knew how much you love me."

"Oh," she said, and even though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was turning a deep shade of red.

"I do," he said softly.

" _Do_ you?" she murmured, staring at their entwined hands that were still on his chest.

"I do because I'm sure I either love you as much if not more," he said, slightly playful.

Jess snorted in response. "I will let that go for now because I really don't have the energy to argue."

Nick was about to say something when they heard the front door open. A few moments later, they heard Jess's bedroom door open, and then Schmidt's panicked voice. "Jess?"

" _We're in here!"_ Nick called, and moments later, the closet door flew open, and Schmidt was standing there, looking down at the two of them incredulously.

"What on  _earth_  are you two doing down there!" he yelled, one hand on his chest. I" thought something had happened again, oh my god,  _never_ do that to  _ever_ again!" he huffed.

Jess chuckled. "I'm sorry, Schmidt. I was trying to get something from the closet and the door swung shut when Nick tried to help me."

Nick started to stand up and offered Jess his hand. She smiled a little and took it, coming to her feet while Schmidt continued to look flustered. "And  _Nick. Cellphones_ exist for  _many_ reasons.  _One_ of them is to-"

"There was no network in the darned closet, Schmidt!" he said defensively.

Schmidt's eyes widened, in realization.

_That's right. Jess's closet._

His eyes quickly darted to the door on his right where he knew the list was and tentatively stepped in front of it, looking at both of them curiously. Nick rolled his eyes when he realised what his friend was trying to do. "I've seen it already, Schmidt."

"Oh!" he exclaimed, drawing his head back a little the way he did when he was experiencing mild surprised. "Great. Good. Very good. That's great then." Then he mouthed the words  _We'll talk about this later_.

It was Jess's turn to roll her eyes, and laughing a little, she said, "I'm right here, Schmidt."

"Right, that's right," said Schmidt, shaking his head, making Nick start to laugh. Looking pointedly at Jess, Schmidt asked very seriously. "And how're you doing, Jessica?"

She chanced a glance at Nick and gave Schmidt a small, reassuring smile. "I've never been better."

Then, looking at both of them, she continued, "I think I'll go take a shower now. I've been in bed all day, and then some in the closet."

She turned around to smile at Nick and raised herself on her toes to plant a quick kiss on his lips. Then she turned on her heels and started to walk out, but before she left, she turned to Schmidt; she'd noticed his face melt into a pleased and satisfied smile when she'd kissed Nick.

"By the way, I know you didn't really have any  _extra_ work today," she said cockily.

"I don't know what you're-" started Nick, but looking at Jess's smug face, he threw his hands up in the air. "Oh, what the hell,  _fine._ I lied. Happy?"

"Yes actually," piped in Nick, crossing his arms as he realised why Schmidt had lied.

"How did you know?" asked Schmidt curiously, looking at Jess.

"I have all of your schedules memorised remember?" shrugged Jess, pointing to the chart behind Schmidt. "I know Kim doesn't show up on Thursdays, so that's the  _one_ day you were sure you'd be back home on time." Leaning towards Schmidt, she mock-whispered. "Cece likes Thursdays very much."

Schmidt grinned, pleased with himself. "Well, well, aren't you the little detective."

"Thanks, Schmidt," she said sincerely, looking at Nick with a warm smile.

"You know I love doing this kind of stuff," said Schmidt, embarrassed, and leaned in to give her a hug. As Nick watched the two of them, he remembered the anger he'd felt with the realisation of how everyone had known but did not think it important enough to tell him. He said nothing though, deciding to wait till Schmidt was alone.

And throwing Nick one last smile over her shoulder, she headed to the shower. Nick and Schmidt watched Jess leave her room, and then Schmidt walked out of the closet, into Jess's room, followed by Nick. Nick paused in his tracks when he saw that Schmidt had walked towards Jess's bed and was sitting on the edge of Jess's bed, arms crossed.

"Spit out, Nick," said Schmidt pointedly.

"What-"

"Oh, come on!" said Schmidt. "I can see on your face that you're exploding to say something."

"Fine. Alright," said Nick, looking at him defiantly, standing in front of him. "You all knew."

Schmidt sighed. "Yes."

"And none of you thought it was important to tell me?" he asked, starting to feel the anger surge again.

"Nick, it was not that simple…" said Schmidt, shaking his head. "I wanted to, but you didn't see her and-"

"Stop saying that! I am well aware of the fact that I wasn't  _here,_ Schmidt!" yelled Nick. " _But what about when I came back?"_

 _"_ She didn't want you to know!" Schmidt argued. "And none of us knew Nick! We didn't know if you cared you'd gone away with-"

Nick groaned in frustration. "I KNOW. I  _KNOW_ I'd left! I'm tired of hearing that! It's a pretty straightforward question, Schmidt.  _Why didn't you tell me!"_

 _"_ Because Jess is my friend too, and she asked me not to say anything," Schmidt said finally. "I've tried to help in the little ways that I could."

Nick sighed, still angry about it, but not knowing what to say. He knew his friend was right, but he also felt his sense of entitlement was justified.

"I suspected it, you know," said Schmidt, making Nick look at him in surprise. "I saw the way you look at her, even if it was when she hurrying out of the door. And well, I did what I could, Nick," he finished sincerely, standing up.

Nick patted Schmidt's shoulder defeatedly. "Yeah. Yeah, I know you did, Schmidt. It's just that it could've been so much  _easier_ than this," he fret.

"I know and I'm sorry it took this long, but as I said, I couldn't do it to Jess or-"

"-or else Cece would've had your head?" Nick asked, grinning.

"Well, I was going to say that I couldn't do it to Jess or I might've pushed her over the edge," said Schmidt frowning. "But I guess what you said works too," he laughed.

"Thanks, Schmidt," said Nick, smiling at him a little.

"Anything for my bro, bro," said Schmidt grinning at him, as Nick rolled his eyes at him and walked out of Jess's bedroom.

"I told you never to call me that!" called Nick, as he started to enter his bedroom.

Schmidt followed him, undeterred. "But we're bros, Nick. You might not accept it, but it'll always be true."

"Whatever, Schmidt," muttered Nick, trying to hide his amusement, about to sit down at his desk.

"As your bro, I have to ask you this," started Schmidt, leaning against the doorframe of Nick's bedroom. "Why're you sitting here?"

"Because it's my bedroom, Schmidt," said Nick, turning to his laptop.

"I  _mean_ ," continued Schmidt emphatically. "Why're you sitting  _here_ when your new, but kind of ex, girlfriend is in the shower?"

Nick turned to look at Schmidt, face scrunched up in annoyance. "What the hell, Schmidt?"

"Yes, I realize I crossed a line. I apologize," said Schmidt raising both his hands in apology. "I will leave you to it then, bro."

" _Schmidt!_ "

Shrugging, Schmidt walked out, saying he now needs to share the news of his incredible achievement with his wife. Nick stared at the laptop for a few seconds before standing up and heading to his bedroom door. He peered out of his door into the hallway and after ensuring Schmidt wasn't there, tiptoed towards the bathroom.

He smiled when he heard her humming a song, and quietly entered the bathroom. He closed the door behind him softly and paused in front of the opaque curtain, wondering if it would be too soon for her. If they were moving too fast.

"I can hear you thinking from in here, Miller," she said with a laugh.

Shaking his head, unable to help the laughter rumbling in his chest, he quickly got rid of his clothes and stepped into the shower. Jess's back was towards him, her face turned towards the shower.

"About damn time," she murmured as Nick's arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her into him. He kissed her neck as she rested her head against his bare shoulder, a small smile on her face.

"I've missed you," she said, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

He turned her around to face him, the water from the shower kneading its way through her hair and down her body. He moved both his hands simultaneously from her waist, sensuously trailing upwards. He paused for fleeting seconds to caress the sides of her breasts, making her groan softly as his hands went to cup her face.

"I've missed you too," he whispered, cradling her face gently, his hands half-cupping her neck and jaw.

He ran his thumb delicately over her jawline, staring at her face for a few seconds with a small smile before touching her lips with his.

"More than you know," he said, pulling back for a second before she leaned forward and bit his lower lip, making him grunt against her as he fought his way through her mouth with his tongue. Nibbling on her lips, he caressed the inside of her lower lip with his tongue in that way she loved so much, feeling a wave of pleasure as she melted into him with the gentlest of moans.

Her hands slid upwards on his chest, and she stroked his collarbone meaningfully with her thumb before placing her hands on his neck, thumbs just below his ear. She pulled him closer to her, every inch of their bodies now in contact with one other, water still running down both of them.

She tugged at his neck gently, and understanding, he pushed her gently towards the wall of the shower, breaking away from her lips for a second, so that only he was under the shower and she was resting against the cool tiles of the wall. He rested both his hands on either side of her face before leaning his face out of the shower stream to kiss her again.

His hands slid down to her thighs and he caressed each of them gently, before starting to lift her leg. Complying immediately, she let him wrap her legs around him, fully wrapping his neck around her arms now, his ears caressing the crook of her elbow as she held his face to her tightly. Seconds later, he pulled away to kiss her neck and collarbone again, while she slid one of her downwards between the two of them to guide him into her. Feeling her hand around him, he let out a growl and went back to kissing her lips hungrily as he felt her entrance. Her hand came back up to wind itself around his neck, a silent message that he was to take the lead now. Moving to kiss her neck again, more calculatively and firmly, he entered her. He drew back his neck a little to see her eyes flutter shut and her face turned towards the ceiling.

He waited for her to adjust to him, and from there it was almost like a well-rehearsed dance. They were still as familiar with each others body as if they'd been doing this every day for the last two years. All the right places were kissed and all the sensitive spots caressed in just the right way as they moved into each other in a synchronised rhythm. The bathroom was filled with hotly whispered groans of each other's names, sometimes drowned by each other's kisses, until Jess finally let herself go and came, followed by him mere seconds later.

He leaned into her against the wall as she whimpered at the sensations coursing through her body, while he revelled in the feeling of her in his arms again, enhanced by the waves of pleasure that he hadn't felt in a long time as they ripped through him.

Breathing heavily, she rested her cheek against his shoulder and he stood there with her head tucked under his chin. They stood in that embrace quietly, enjoying the silence around them which like the awestruck quiet after a fantastic orchestra performance. Their minds were filled with wonder as they went back to the first time they'd made love, and how nothing had changed. Even today, they fit each other perfectly, moved in just the right way and once they went over the edge, they fell for a long time before they found their feet again.

"I love you," whispered Nick, as she slowly slid her legs off of him. "So much."

"I love you too," she said and added with a sigh as she leaned against the wall to look at him. "I could stay like this forever."

Nick kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there for a few seconds before pulling. "So could I."

_I really could stay like this forever._

He stared at her, overwhelmed by the thought of how much he loved her; he could wake every day of forever and never love her any less.

As she smiled up at him, the word  _forever_ rang in his mind, leaving trails of echoes like wedding bells on summer morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I got a little carried away by the smut, so maybe another chapter before the epilogue. Maybe. Gosh, I suck at this planning thing. And would you look at that? I did a little smut thing! ME. I. DID. A. LITTLE. SMUT.
> 
> And thanks for proof-reading @actualbabe!


	17. Epilogue

Nick lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling as the first light of the morning woke him up. The warm breath that tickled his neck made him smile. Her hand was sprawled across his stomach and he lifted it gently for a moment to allow himself to turn towards her. She was nestled into his right side, just under his arm.

He'd made a habit of watching her sleep every morning just to remind himself that all of this was real. As he watched her, his mind went back to the ring that was in the back of the drawer in his nightstand; a vintage silver band with a fragile creeper entwined around it, and the smallest of diamonds set into the ring in place of what would've been flowers on the silver creeper. It had, of course, been approved by Cece. He'd known Jess would've loved it the moment he'd seen it, but seeing an excited smile replace Cece's annoyed features ( a result of hours of Nick's relentless pursuit for the perfect ring ) had that made him all the more confident.

Schmidt had been enraged that he'd taken Cece and not him of course.

_"After everything I've done for you, Nicholas!"_

It had only been a week since that afternoon in the closet, but it had been a surreal week. Maybe one week after was too soon, but he was two years late to this moment. He had never been surer of anything else.

Ever since he'd bought the ring yesterday afternoon, he'd been debating how to go about it. Something grand or simple and sweet? Beach or high-end restaurant? Just the two of them or at a surprise gathering? Daytime or in the night?

As he watched the sunlight dance across her hair, and her slightly parted lips, his smile grew wider. His eyes darted to her fingers splayed across his stomach and he started imagining the ring on her finger, and felt his heart beat a little faster. Biting his lower lip, he looked at her carefully to see if she was still asleep; if she was, she was probably knocked out cold because she'd always been a heavy sleeper.

He turned slightly reaching for his nightstand, eyes on her to make sure he didn't disturb her, though he doubted he would. He opened the drawer and felt around for the small box that held the ring. Grabbing hold of that, he turned to her again, staring at her sleeping form for a few seconds while playing with the box with his other hand.

Slowly, he turned on his back again, her hand still across his stomach. Holding her wrist so that his thumb was pressed into her palm, he pulled her hand upwards and placed it next to the small box. He took the box again, and gently pried the ring out of the seat before placing the box on the nightstand. Holding her ring along its circumference, he delicately slipped his fingers under hers, and tilted her hand towards him a little bit - his thumb was resting above her knuckles.

He slipped the finger onto her ring finger and stared at it till his eyes started to tear up a little. It looked like it was tailormade for her delicate hands and he was half-tempted to just wake her up and propose to her right away. But he had to do it right.

_Maybe I will do it on the beach, after all! It'll be just-_

"It's on the wrong hand, Nicholas," she murmured, eyes still closed, cutting his plans short.

Nick tensed, as his breathing hitched. Had she been awake this whole time?

_Of course, you idiot. She just said that you put it on the wrong hand._

"Oh, shit," he muttered, flustered and confused as to what to do next. He quietly brought his hand to his lips and gave her ring finger a small kiss before taking off the ring. Still unsure of what to say, and growing increasingly nervous at this unexpected turn of events, he turned to grab the box of the nightstand. He felt Jess move next to him and felt her chin sit on his chest, as she reached out to tug his arm lightly.

He turned to look at her questioningly, and saw that she was smiling at him. Her cheek was now resting on his chest and fingers lightly drumming right over his heart. As he watched, she moved her left hand from between them and propped it on her elbow, her fingers stretched towards him.

"I said it's on the  _wrong hand_ ," she said with emphasis.

He stared at her dumbfounded, his gaze going back and forth between her face and her hand. After the initial wave of shock had passed, he started to smile as well. Her eyes were dancing with laughter, and he had never felt as good about himself as he did in that moment. Tilting his head towards her, he met her expectant lips and kissed her, a gentle, meaningful kiss. He pulled back and held her propped up left hand, tracing circles on her palm. He looked down at her to see that she was already staring at him, the slightest gleam of tears catching the morning light as he saw her lips tugging into a disbelieving smile.

"Jessica Day, I love you. More than you can imagine, possibly since I first saw you," he breathed, chuckling slightly as she stared at him, lips slightly parted with wonder. "You complete me. I don't know what I would do without you in my life, and I don't ever want to know. Will you marry me?"

"Of course, I will. I will marry you Nick Miller, because I know what I would do without you and I don't ever want to do that again," she sniffled, as she watched him grin and slide the ring on to her finger.

"Good," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she moved up to rest her head on his shoulder. "No more of those stupid lists. I don't ever want to see those around the house."

"Don't be silly, Nick. Of course, there'll be lists," sighed Jess dramatically. "We have our wedding to plan," she said, grinning, bringing their intertwined hands to her lips and planting a chaste kiss on one of his fingers.

"Well, I'm willing to make an exception for that," he said, laughing.

As he leaned in to kiss her again, she threw one leg over his waist to pull him closer to her and cupped his face with her hands. The beautiful ring that she didn't ever want to take off her hand, caught the sunlight and she smiled against his lips.

Three months. 12 weeks. 72 days. 1728 hours.

_So much can change in that much time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't get it, last two lines are the same as the first two lines of the fic (in the prologue)... Kind of.


End file.
